Where Is the Time Going? AKA Why I’m a Terrible Housewife

Oh my word, I haven’t written since when….May? I see over the past 4 months or so, I’ve started three posts and never finished any. I just haven’t had time or the desire, honestly. Haven’t really had the time because of baby, but I also had the bright idea to fire our maid to save us money (and also because she stole some things). WHAT the hell was I thinking? I could barely take care of my musty old apartment in Johnson City, NY. In fact, I’m sure my parents will tell you, I could barely take care of my own room when I lived with them. And also – THIS IS INDIA where life, in general, is about five times more difficult than in the United States. And I’m a spoiled white lady – why did I think I could handle it with a baby on top of it? I’m a complete domestic failure! I skip sweeping for one day, and you should see the amount of dirt and bugs that show up. It’s unreal. And I can’t figure out why I’m so bad at it – there’s not all that much work to do. We have a smaller apartment. Is it because I didn’t have any practice with it before and after Evelyn was born? Is it because I’m just naturally messy and lazy, so it’s going to be a struggle forever? Because I totally thought I could do all the housework, the cooking, take care of Evelyn, maybe throw in a workout and once in a while, a blog entry. Yeah, I really thought that. And then the other day, “Sex and the City 2” was on, and it was a scene with two of the women (sorry, I don’t know their names) taking swigs from their cocktails while confessing things like “Being a mom is soooo hard! And it’s even harder without help!” And I am so ashamed to admit that I nodded in agreement. The thing is I know there are plenty of women who can handle it. My mom did, and she had a full time job then too. I am just not one of those women, at least not in India. It’s already tough enough living in a non-Western culture. So about two or three weeks ago, after caring for a sick hubby and baby and letting the house go to pot, I cried to my hubby and told him to hire a new maid. There’s going to come a time when I won’t be able to have a maid anymore, so I’m going to try and enjoy the help while I can.

And I haven’t really had a desire to write anything because how much can I write about parenting that hasn’t been said? I had started a post about differences between US and Indian parenting, from my perspective, but it was really just turning into me complaining about the aspects of US parenting that I felt were too cold and scientific and complaining about the aspects of Indian parenting that I felt were too based on old wives’ tales and superstitions. So I’ve decided to wait to write that post until I’m maybe a little less….ummm….emotional. Also – I’ve been soooo tired forever. Whoever said babies start sleeping longer once they’re on solids was a liar. Evelyn wakes more frequently now than she ever did. My baby went backwards – slept awesome in the beginning, not so much now.

That being said, failed housewife or not, I love being a mom. I think I have written something similar in every blog post since she was born. But it gets truer all the time. Evelyn is so much fun. As I am writing this, I have to keep grabbing hold of her diaper so she doesn’t somersault off her blankets and bonk her head on the tile floor, which she’s done a few times. She laughs hysterically at clothes pins and our terrace lamp post, waves hello and goodbye, loves to eat chicken and bananas and toast, wants to maul my husband’s mathematics books whenever she gets the chance, bounces up and down when “All About That Bass” is playing, and smiles and laughs when she looks at photos of herself. She’s becoming more of a person right before my eyes. For the last week or so, it feels like every night, when my husband and I are in the bedroom watching her sleep, one of us always says to other, “She is such a sweet baby.” I am so impressed with her. And I am pretty impressed with myself, quite frankly. I have learned how to master several tasks using only one hand and a baby in the other- cooking pretty much anything, loading and unloading the washing machine, carrying the laundry to the terrace to dry, showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth, sweeping the floor. I’ve also done some things that I’m sure I would be scolded for. Do I let her chew on the TV remote so I can drink my first cup of coffee in peace in the morning? ABSOLUTELY. Let her press buttons on my cellphone so I can get dressed in the morning? YES.

And I’ve been getting very homesick lately. It’s going on a year since I came back to India, and I will be going to the US at the end of March 2015. My dear husband is keeping a countdown for me, so I know there’s six months left. It’ll go by so fast, I know, and once I’m there, I’ll miss my husband terribly. But it’s little things that help cure my homesickness while I’m here. Like, we went out to eat at a European style cafe this weekend, and they were playing classic rock. I rocked out to Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” And, this was my favorite thing about the whole place, they served me iced tea in a tiny mason jar. It was the best thing and totally what I needed. That’ll have to hold me over until I go home where I’ve made my mom save ridiculous recipes like “buffalo chicken lasagna” and “s’mores pizza rollups.” I’ve also requested her to buy and save as many pumpkin flavored foods as she can. And I plan on eating bacon EVERY SINGLE MORNING and taking Evelyn outside to toddle around my parents’ yard EVERY SINGLE DAY. Maybe all day. Because I can. Yes, I’m excited to go home for a visit, but at the same time, I want this year to slow the heck down. Evelyn will be well over a year old when I take her. I’m not ready for that! So for as much as I am looking forward to my trip home I do not want to wish this time away. It’s such an awesome privilege to be her mother. And, for as much as perhaps I’ve complained (?) in this post, it’s such a privilege to have this experience here in India, sharing it with my husband and Evelyn, in all its frustrating (at times) glory. I wouldn’t change a thing….except maybe I wouldn’t have fired our maid. 😉