I got a manicure in a nice salon for my birthday. I’d promised myself I’d quit a 41-year-old habit. Then I glanced out the window.
Red Umbrella
The technician submerges my hands in the lavender water to soften my chewed-on skin. My fingers flex, the water stings the wounds. Each sore a metronome of the hum inside. Too ashamed to relax, I do everything but close my eyes. Count towels. Searching for pores, maybe a frizzy tendril on the model’s giant face beside me. I crane my neck to look out the window, and I see a red umbrella, swaying like a heartbeat in the brutal sun. The umbrella tips, and I see him, his sign, a small board cupped in his left hand: MEALS. The sunlight shifts, and my own reflection hovers in the glass. The technician massages chamomile lotion into my skin. “For relaxation.” “Is the AC temperature okay, ma’am?” I stare at the man and his red umbrella until he walks out of sight. I ask for red polish on my fingertips. I ask the technician if she gets to visit her family, so far away. I murmur another apology about my fingers. The red polish, cured under light.
When I first moved to Kerala, the one question people asked most was, “Do you like the food?” I didn’t know the importance of food for Malayalees at the time, so I felt confused why people asked that so often. I guess they thought the taste would be super alien to me since I grew up in the States. White rice is too spicy for us, know what I mean?
Of course I loved the food. The aromatic spices, the heat, the tang – it was heaven for my tastebuds. But I was always the odd duck in my immediate family. I liked seafood; no one else did. I liked jalapeños and black olives; no one else did. So it didn’t surprise me that I started enjoying Kerala food right away.
Kerala cuisine is, in general, based around three staples – rice, fish, and coconut. All meals will use at least one of these, if not all. It makes sense these would be staples because Kerala is a tropical, coastal state with paddy fields as far as the eye can see.
But one thing I’ve noticed is that every time I Google “best Kerala foods,” “best South Indian foods,” or any variation of the sort, the lists contain the following: idli, dosa, payasam, appam and stew, parotta and beef, karimeen pollichathu, and pazham pori (banana fritters). And I am always irritated because I know there are superior dishes out there. I’ve eaten them! I’ve cooked them!
Good food is endless here. So I decided to make my own list, including some unsung heroes of Kerala cuisine.
My Top 10 Fave Kerala Foods
1. Uttapam
Known in Kerala as oothappam, uttapam is a close relative of the famous dosa. If you ask me (and since this is my list), I think uttapam is the superior rice-based breakfast food. Since I am the only person in this house that likes uttapam, I don’t get to eat it often.
I’ve jokingly referred to uttapam as Kerala-style pizza. It is basically a thick, soft, savory pancake topped with vegetables (mainly onion, tomato, and green chili). You can eat it with sambar and chutney, but I prefer to eat it plain. It’s delicious enough on its own.
This was my first try making it for myself.
2. Anchovy and Sardine Fry
While uttapam is a rare treat for me, nettholi (anchovy) and mathi (sardine) fry are eaten at least twice per week. The fish are cleaned and marinated in a paste made from turmeric, black pepper, red chili, and salt. Then, they are fried until crisp, or if you’re me, until they are almost burnt.
I am not sure what makes these so delicious. But man oh man, couple fish fry with some Kerala red rice, pulissery, and mango pickle, and it is *chef’s kiss.* Man, I’m hungry already, and it’s not even lunchtime!
Nettholi/Anchovy fry
3. Thoran
Thoran is a savory dish made from any vegetable you can think of and coconut. The vegetable is diced up, the coconut is grated, and they are both stir-fried to perfection with turmeric, cumin seed, and salt.
I have several types of thoran that I love – cheera (red spinach), beetroot, green beans, banana flower, and chakkakuru (jackfruit seed). Thoran is a dish you will find during meal time at least every other day in many households.
As ubiquitous as this dish is, I had a hard time finding it on any “best Kerala foods” lists!
This is none of my favorites. It’s radish thoran. Still delicious.
4. Ghee Rice/Neychoru
Ghee rice is self-explanatory. It’s made using a short-grained rice and ghee. However, whole spices like cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, and star anise are added for flavor, and the rice is topped with fried cashews, raisins, and onions. For me, the best part of this dish is the fried onions. Just hand me a plate of those please!
Let me pat myself on the back – I’ve perfected this dish. I received praise for my neychoru every time I make it. I serve it with chicken or mutton curry, raita, pickle, and papadum.
My famous ghee rice is in the top right corner.
5. Bitter Gourd/Pavakkai Fry
Way back when I was in my first trimester and sick as a dog, I didn’t want to eat anything within a hundred-kilometer radius of our Calicut home. Nothing sounded good, and everything smelled terrible. One day I worked up a small appetite and asked Zac to bring me a veg meal from a nearby restaurant. By some small miracle, they served pavakkai fry in my meal that day, and I ate every last bite.
Pavakka, or bitter gourd, is a contentious vegetable. People either love it or hate it. It does have a bitter taste even after it’s cooked. I can eat pavakka in any type of recipe, but this one is my favorite. Similar to the fish fry, it’s marinated in a masala paste after slicing. Then it’s fried until it’s crispy. It’s normally eaten along with rice.
My daughter, who hates most vegetables, loves this recipe.
6. Pulissery
Pulissery, also known as moru curry, is a curd-based curry. It can be made with only curd or with things like ash gourd, pineapple, cucumber or taro root. It’s usually tempered with mustard and fenugreek seeds, dry red chilis, shallots, curry leaves, and turmeric.
This is one of my favorite accompaniments for rice. But I could drink pulissery on its own. It’s that good.
7. Brinjal Fry, South Indian Style
I’m not entirely convinced this is a pure Kerala dish, but I’m including it. Brinjal, or eggplant, is much smaller here than in the US. I find it tastes better, but I’m unsure if it’s the vegetable itself that’s better or if it’s the preparations.
Anyway, this dish is made by slicing the brinjal, and then marinating it in a masala paste (see a theme yet?). It’s then fried until the edges are crisp, and the centers are soft. This is one dish I don’t make often because I eat them until they’re gone. Even if it’s in one meal. I have no shame.
8. Kappa and Meen Curry
Okay, THIS is a popular dish, and one you will see on the “popular Kerala foods” lists. Many years ago, kappa, also called cassava, was considered a poor man’s food, but you’ll now find it in almost every five-star buffet! The cassava is boiled, mashed, and cooked along with coconut, mustard seeds, dry red chilies, and curry leaves.
Kappa is served with all kinds of curries, but I think the best combo is with red fish curry. It’s another one of those tangy, sour, and spicy curries that I adore, and I go back for seconds, thirds, or fourths of this delicacy!
Kappa and meen curryKappa on its own
9. Rasam
For sure, this dish didn’t originate in Kerala, but it’s consumed so widely in the state that I consider it part of local cuisine. I remember drinking rasam for the first time in a dingy Calicut canteen. I watched the locals throw their heads back and down the liquid, so I thought, “Hey, why not?” I lifted my steel cup and chugged the rasam, and my body went into brief shock. How could a soup pack so much flavor?
Like many recipes here, there are a few variations of rasam, but it almost always includes tamarind, black pepper, cumin seed, garlic, and coriander leaves.
Even though it’s more of a winter dish, I’ll down glasses of rasam on a hot summer day. I power through the sweating that comes post-drinking. I can’t get enough of the spicy, sour curries!
10. Thalassery Biryani
I love all kinds of biryani, so I had to put this on the list. Thalassery biryani is a special type of rice dish from Thalassery town in north Kerala.
Unlike most biryanis, which are made using basmati rice or another fragrant long-grained rice, Thalassery biryani is made with a short-grained rice called Jeerakasala.
Similar to neychoru, this biryani is cooked with lots of ghee, but then the rice is layered with cooked meat (chicken, fish, mutton, beef, etc.) and masala, and sealed so the flavors of the rice, meat, and masala blend together. It’s then topped with my faves – fried onions, cashews, and raisins.
One of the best biryanis I’ve ever had was from a little Thalassery biryani shack in Trivandrum. I tried a fish biryani that time. Everything aligned for that meal – the spices were just right, the amount of ghee was perfect, and the rice was neither too dry nor greasy.
One Dish That I Hate:
1. Puttu
I never felt more validated than when I read a story in March 2022 about a boy who wrote an essay on how much he hates puttu. Same, buddy, same. While the boy says it “breaks relationships” (I can only imagine!), I won’t go quite that far.
Puttu is always found on those “must try Kerala foods” lists, and I don’t get it. I have tried it in every possible way, and it’s not for me. It’s dry. The texture is gritty. And it tastes like paper. Sorry, Malayalees, please don’t kick me out (I also hate jackfruit)!
What are your favorite foods, whether they are from Kerala or elsewhere? What foods do you hate so much you want to toss them out the window when you see them? Let me know!
Well, you did it. You packed up and shipped off to another country; your dreams of wanderlust coming true. Soon enough, weeks or months have passed, and you’ve settled into a routine. But things aren’t as fun as you’d hoped.
Your bathroom looks weird, beds and pillows are too hard or soft, and the grocery store doesn’t carry anything you like. The climate is too hot or cold. It’s exhausting trying to do anything official where no one speaks your language. Everyone else’s concept of time is different from yours.
These are small problems, but small seems huge when you’re away from what’s familiar. Before you know it, homesickness creeps into your stomach.
A lot of blood, sweat, and tears goes into living overseas. You need to break down your beliefs and values, maintain your boundaries, cry a lot, and laugh more than you cry.
Believe me, I know. I’m going on a decade here in Kerala, and my physical and emotional changes careened through ups and downs. I never had any desire to live in another country. I was content to live in or near Pennsylvania for the rest of my life. Well, life had something else planned for me.
When I arrived in Calicut, I was a starry-eyed newlywed, thrilled to live with my husband. Not one thing about India bothered me. Giant cockroaches? Fine. All-day powercuts? Bring it on.
Then our daughter was born, and I ran face-first into a cultural wall. Everything I found endearing became an imposition, and I went into an “I’m here on a long vacation” mindset. Over time, I pulled away from that thought and grew to love my life. Now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else but Kerala. No matter where I am, I’ll leave a piece of my heart here. It’s my home.
But it wasn’t until recently that I figured out how I fell in love with Kerala. There are a few definitive things I did that made me feel like I now belong here. So, for the sake of anyone plunging into a new culture, I’m giving the few tips that helped me the most.
1.) Be observant.
When moving to a new country, this is the best piece of advice. Observe people. Check out their behaviors. Watch what they’re doing, but even more importantly, watch what they’re not doing. I learned so much about how to behave in India by shutting my mouth and observing.
Some things I learned: eating with my right hand and without utensils, not crossing my legs when I’m visiting someone’s home, replacing handshakes with head nods when meeting someone. These are small things, but people notice when you do them differently.
2.) Learn the language.
You knew this was coming. I’m not telling you to only learn to communicate with people. That is, of course, the biggest benefit to studying a new language. You create and deepen new connections with native speakers.
Learning the language blows your world wide-open. You can understand a new slew of music, movies, jokes, and idioms. For me, few things have been more satisfying than finally understanding Malayalam memes.
Learning a new language has a host of benefits. It stimulates the brain, stalls cognitive decline, and boosts creativity! So get signed up for a class and start your language journey!
3.) Throw yourself headfirst into the local culture.
Throwing yourself into anything when you’ve moved to a new country seems like the last thing you want to do. But please trust me on this one. It gives you an enormous appreciation for your new home. Take a dance class, a singing class, an art class. Pick something and try it, even if you’re terrible forever.
Learn the history of the art form. Attend a local performance or exhibition. You won’t regret it.
As for me, I’ve written before that I learned (and am still learning) mehndi. And right before the pandemic, I started Bharatanatyam lessons, which I love, love, love. Both have rich histories, and I gained new admiration for all mehndi artists and Bharatanatyam dancers.
4.) Cook the food. This, my friends, is what pulled me out of my cultural adjustment funk. When you cook the local cuisine, you tie yourself to much more than the food itself. You become connected to history, language, and relationships.
Recipe by recipe, I restored my self-esteem by perfecting a huge part of Malayalee culture – their food. Pride wells inside when I hear a Malayalee say, “Brittany is an expert in making biryani.”
5.) Stay humble. Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve culturally screwed up. It’s fine to make mistakes! But when Zac would explain how to avoid issues in the future, I’d rear up and demand why I had to change my behavior. The answer is rather dissatisfying: Because I had to.
Remaining culturally humble isn’t easy. It requires daily self-reflection: wondering how I can better communicate with and listen to people, and how I can better show my respect. It’s understanding the history and dynamics of where you’re living.
There is no sensitive way to say this, but it is neither your job nor your place to change the society where you live. Instead, amplify the voices of locals and citizens who are already changing things. They have done the hard work and deserve recognition.
I hope no one has read through this and now believes I sit stiff as a board and don’t speak so that I don’t offend anyone. If that was true, I wouldn’t have written this. Around friends and family here, I am totally myself. Frankly speaking, though, I am not the same person as the one who existed a decade ago, and that’s a good thing.
And there you have it. My five main tips for adjusting to a new country. While these won’t solve many other daily frustrations (a whole other ballgame), I hope they help people appreciate their new homes.
When I tell people I have lived in India since 2012, I get one of two reactions – the first type: “Oh wow! That’s such a once in a lifetime experience!” and the other – “Yiiiiiiikes. Better you than me!” Yes, yes, it is better that it’s me because I get to go fun places like this:
The resort.
Reception
In October 2016, before Evelyn and I left for our long visit to Pennsylvania, I convinced Zac that we should take a short family getaway. Just the three of us, minimal distractions.
We didn’t want to go far because traveling by car here is not easy. So after searching within a 100 km radius (side note – five years in, I am still not used to the metric system), we settled on Ashtamudi Lake in Kollam. More importantly, I had found an excellent deal with The Raviz, a five-star resort on the lake itself. We went, got a free room upgrade, and took an awesome morning houseboat ride. Also, I used the amazing jacuzzi tub in our bathroom. I mean, look at this place –
The view from our room.
Fast forward to August 2017, I noticed the Raviz, on their Facebook page, offering a new membership card. Since we loved our initial stay so much, I sent the page to my husband, suggesting we join.
We decided on the black membership. It gave us vouchers that included free massages, a complimentary night stay, and a free upgrade to a suite.
The vouchers aren’t the only perks – showing up with the card itself is worth something. A member gets a flat 20 percent off rooms and up to 50 percent off food and 15 percent off adult beverages.
For Evelyn’s fourth birthday and our sixth wedding anniversary, we decided to use our Priviliz membership and booked a room for two nights at the Ashtamudi resort.
As before, they rolled out the red carpet with welcome drinks and tikka. We had previously called to use two of our vouchers – a free 1 kg birthday cake and a free bottle of wine – and they had it all set up for us.
We also used our voucher to upgrade to their Royal Suite. Hands down, the most gorgeous and spacious room I have ever stayed in.
The large windows overlook the lake. I’ve been watching the houseboats float by, rippling the lake water, with coconut trees looming in the background.
Our suite has a huge sitting room, a dining area, a big bedroom, and one and a half bathrooms.
Our bedroomThe dining area and sitting areaThe master bathView of the rest of the resort from our balconyView of the lake from our balconyReady for our morning houseboat ride!More views from the houseboat ride.More views from the houseboat ride.
And the staff here at the resort are accommodating and caring, and they made us feel welcomed both times we’ve visited. They gave us the upgrade to the suite with no questions asked or stalling.
The servers and managers in Keraleeyam, the resort’s main restaurant, occupied and cared for Evelyn while Zac and I shoveled in the yummy Kerala-style, North Indian, and international cuisine. For Evelyn’s birthday, they brought out the cake with enough pomp to please a four year old and gave her a small gift.
Zac and I decided to get some Ayurvedic treatments done during our stay. We both chose the Tanusree treatment, which lasts about two hours. It involves a traditional Ayurvedic head massage, body massage, green gram scrub, red sandalwood body pack, and steam. Because it involves so much, the brochure said the spa required 12 hours notice. But when we asked about that, they assured it was no problem, and got me in for the first treatment right away.
My spa room….with a spectacular view that I forgot to take a photo of.The massage table
And, man oh man, my experience was fantastic. If you’ve never had an Ayurvedic experience before, they can be awkward. You’re vulnerable in many ways. Your therapist sometimes speaks only basic English, so you’re both too shy to for conversation. Well – that awkwardness was shattered this time around. My therapist made me belly-laugh and handed out compliments left and right, with my favorite being the following:
Therapist – “Madam is how old?” Me – “I’m 33.” Therapist – *gasps like I’ve offended her* “MADAM. I thought you were 26!”
I was like, can I call you up any time I need some flattery, please? But I came out of that room feeling like I had all my muscles and nerves unwound from tight coils. My skin felt baby soft (thanks to the green gram and sandalwood). Raviz’s Favourite Kerala Spa is highly, highly recommended.
View of the resort from our pedal boatA houseboat in the distance on the lake
The Raviz treats all their guests well. They give freebies to everyone. You get a 30-minute houseboat ride across the lake, free evening tea and snacks, and a free cultural program before dinner. Both times we were there, a Bharatanatyam dancer performed in the reception area. So worth every cent we pay. I’m already looking forward to our visit next time!
I watched the young woman with her steady hand drawn lines on my inner wrist, moving towards my palm. The dark brown paste chilled my skin, and its earthy scent wafted into my nose.
My fingers wanted to twitch, but her thin hand held my hand in place so she could complete her art. Art for the skin – that’s what mehndi is. I’d never seen anything so intricate.
The flowers and paisleys she left behind dried and crusted. When I scraped the remnants off, the design had dyed my skin a burnt orange, which darkened to a deep auburn.
In the days that followed, I caught myself bringing my hand to my nose to capture the remaining scent of the henna paste. I admired the artist’s handiwork – spirals, dots, lines, and loops all making a trail to my fingertips.
I was in love, and I wanted to learn it. That was five years ago.
Like many, I suffer from impostor syndrome, so my doubt held me in check. Was it cultural appropriation for me, a white woman, to learn mehndi? Would I even be good at it?
In India, it’s an art that’s passed through families, where people learn on their own. The street mehndi artists (the best) taught themselves all the techniques. The proper shading, the right pressure to place on the cone for dispensing, and the creativity to create large designs that cover entire arms, hands, and feet.
There was no way I’d learn it, I decided. I snuffed out my desire and moved on with my life.
I moved on until last September, when my husband, daughter, and I were milling around our local grocery store. There, crammed on the bottom shelf of the beauty section, were henna cones.
I kept glancing at them but left empty-handed, still not confident that I could learn it. Instead, I went home and searched how to do it online – is it easy or difficult? Which kind should I use? Which designs are good for beginners?
And I asked the opinions of others if I should even bother with trying (they were all encouraging).
So, the next time we were at our grocery store, I slapped three cones in front of my confused husband and said, “I want to learn.” I braced myself for his laughter because I had zero confidence in my ability. Instead, he said, “Okay,” and paid for our groceries.
My first attempt at mehndi was terrible. I cut the cone down too far, so the paste came out too thick, and I couldn’t draw much with it.
I learned that mehndi isn’t too forgiving – you cannot afford to make many mistakes with it. Still, I felt a thrill run through me that I was actually doing it, and even my husband complimented my shoddy design.
My second attempt improved a bit. I drew a peacock, which has since become my favorite, but I still had no idea how to create a motif that flowed together.
I began scrawling on paper with the paste when I ran out of room on my hands and feet. It soothed me. Squeeze the cone and watch the paste twirl into flowers, peacocks, tikkas, and geometric shapes. The more I did it, the steadier my hand became, and the easier it was to flow shapes one into another.
Baby mehndi!My first tikka design.I love to do these kinds!Tikka on the side of my wrist.A small motif for my mom (with my daughter’s name)!One of my more recent, and super quick, designs.
Seven months and fifty henna cones later, I now draw on hands, feet, and shoulders with ease. I create permanent designs on unfinished wood, including letters, bangles, necklace pendants, bird houses, and photo cubes.
I’ve even started using acrylic paints to make designs on journals and Mason jars.
If I’m already this good after seven months of practice, I cannot wait to see where I am seven more months from now.
My first jewelry box that has since been claimed by my three year old for storing small toys.Practicing on scrap wood!Journal design with acrylic paint.
I’ve been trying extremely hard not to write an entry like this because I was never sure how people would take it. Heck, I’m not even sure how I’m really taking it. I’m so torn about writing it. Living in India is very conflicting. Some days my heart is so full of being grateful and appreciative for having this opportunity, living in such an ancient culture, seeing the historic monuments and buildings, spoiling myself with massages and such because we can afford it here, living in luxury with our three rooftop swimming pools at our apartment buildings. Other days, I find myself daydreaming about driving my own car down one of Sullivan County’s empty roads. No car horns, no temple music, just blissful silence. Or I get wistful and dreamy about the spacious and roomy parking lots at Walmart ( you will never understand how lucky you are) after a day of frustrated shopping where we can’t find a single parking space at our overly crowded grocery store. Or I wish that I don’t have to second guess what I’m wearing when we go into public, never knowing if it’s fully appropriate for the conservative culture here. Or I wish that I could heat style my hair without it protesting into a ball of frizz or that my make up wouldn’t melt off my face. These may seem like small things, for sure, but when you’re living them everyday, the pangs can get really strong. Most days I’m fine, but some days, I swing from one extreme to the other with me wanting to stomp my feet like a child and scream, “I don’t want to adapt. ANY. MORE.”
I’ve been having waves of homesickness since Christmas Eve, and it’s been getting worse and the waves have been getting a little longer since it’s coming up on a year when I went to the US. In fact, yesterday, I was listening to “California Girls” by the Beach Boys, and I was so stupidly overcome with emotion that I had to sit down at the kitchen table with my head in my hands. So, even though I feel like I’m complaining a bit with this, it just poured out of me and felt sooo therapeutic. I think that even though India overall has been kind to me, it will never accept me as Brittany, wholly American and unchanged. I’ve had to tone down my sense of humor (sarcasm, pretty much), what I wear, how I approach people, how I address people, who I make eye contact with, who I smile at, who I say hello to (which is no one unless I know them). I’ve even had comments on my hair because it’s shorter than what is considered traditional here. The “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” mindset doesn’t exist so much here. Good in some ways, and not so good in others.
I’ve been keeping tabs on this thing called the Kerala Blog Express, sponsored by Kerala Tourism, where they bring a group of foreign bloggers to see the best Kerala has to offer. And that’s just it – they’re only seeing the best. As I was reading the latest blog, cheekily titled 12 Reasons to Never Visit Kerala, I felt a huge disconnect between what the blogger had written and my own experience. It’ll be my fourth year here this October, so I’m starting to believe that my feelings and opinions about living here may actually have some clout. I have about 6 to 7 pages handwritten on this topic already, and I’m not even done yet, so I’ve decided to split up all of it in to shorter, easier entries. I’ll probably post once a week until I get it all typed.
First of all, this blogger talks about how hot and humid it is here and how you’re always covered with sweat (all true). But then he talks about how he slathered on SPF 50 when going out on the beaches and hiking, and I just…..I had to stop reading. I can’t even remember the last time I willingly went into the midday sun unless I’ve been 1) under a very large umbrella, 2) in an air conditioned car, or 3) hiding in the shade of a very tall, very broad building. Anyone who lives here knows that being outside between the hours of 10 and 6 is a huuuuge mistake. That’s why many of our beach photos are of sunsets – it’s not for romance. It’s because it’s too stinkin’ hot to go any other time of day. But we have made the mistake of going to the beach in the daytime. More than once, because we kept thinking it would improve each time we went. It didn’t. 10 am – traipsing through hot sand, hot sun, and….ugh….hot air. The beaches are all gorgeous, no doubt, but I think the sunbathers are nuts. No offense. I mean, good grief, it’s so hot outside, why did we think it would be fun? Then, in the car, on the way home, the A/C is cranked to the max, and we look at each other like, “Why did we just do that?” We’re exhausted from the sun, we’ll have to take yet another shower when we get home, and then the rest of the day is shot because we have to rest up since we have real lives to live here. So, yes, the tally – tourist in Kerala: appreciates the heat and sweat and sun and doesn’t miss out on any fulfilling activities because of this; and expat in Kerala: dives into the nearest building like some kind of vampire, counting the hours until I can go outside again. You can’t age me, Kerala sun! NO. WAY.
Never again.
The next thing on this guy’s list that struck me as odd – he writes that Indians have permanent smiles on their faces. To be honest, I have no idea what he’s talking about. With the exception of my husband, who smiles for approximately 85% of his day (not counting his sleepy time), Indians aren’t smilers. In my experience, the average Indian has a very serious, even borderline unfriendly appearance. I won’t even discuss the blatant stares I still get once in a while from people….or maybe I will, who knows where this paragraph will lead me? But appearances aside, Indians are some of the happiest, friendliest people on the planet. Don’t ask me why they’re so happy – they have lots of reasons not to be, so I’m still trying to flesh all that out.
And this friendliness and happiness leads to such unbelievable hospitality. People are so happy and so proud to have you as a guest in their home. And this, this is when Indians smile. I will never forget, on my first trip to India, we visited the Dhobi Ghat slum in Mumbai, and a young man invited our small crew to see his tiny, well kept home – I mean, it was tiny and most of his belongings were covered with the laundry that he was washing for the Mumbai residents. He just stood there with a broad smile on his face, gesturing for us to enter his home, and I’m sure he would have served us tea if we hadn’t been in such a hurry. This poor man would have given us something that he most likely struggled to earn, and he would have done it with a good, genuine heart. I can’t even fathom it – it leaves me speechless.
That man is in the orange shirt.
Well, now that I’ve waxed poetic about the friendliness and hospitality of Indians, I’m going to tell you that it hasn’t been easy at all for me to make friends here. In fact, I didn’t make any friends at all until we moved to this new apartment complex in October 2015. That’s three, count ’em three, years of having no real, live friends to talk to besides my husband. But I remember the days at our old house when I would cry because I was so lonely for just one other female friend. Just one other mom friend, who could at least pretend to understand how destabilizing it can be to be a stay at home mom in a foreign country. Someone who could sympathize with me on the days when I’m feeling a bit homesick and like I’ve lost a sense of my identity – that I have no idea what I’m good at anymore. Someone who could understand why I protest keeping a maid and a cook because, while it’s extremely difficult to maintain a home here with all the dust and dirt, I didn’t like that my self-sufficiency was completely shredded. It’s taken me a long time to find those people.
And it’s not that there weren’t any women around me. I’ve had female neighbors the entire time I’ve lived here. But they were local Kerala women, at least one generation separated from me, and, I felt, an entire world away in values and interests. I vividly remember (because I felt so mortified) sitting in one woman’s home, she had made me tea, and after the initial “what are you preparing for lunch” conversation (topic of choice here), there was nothing but silence because we had no idea how to continue. And as for me, being a bit socially awkward, my brain kicked in to overdrive panic mode – What do I say? What do I say?? WHAT DO I SAY??? And that made it all much worse.
It has gotten easier. I’ve learned by the example of my husband, in those situations, it’s best to ask about family members – as many details as you can about as many members as you can think of. People love to talk about their families. This tactic has very much saved me from any more awkwardness. The tally – Tourist in Kerala: is greeted by smiling hotel representatives and tour guides and then thinks everyone here is constantly smiling and in a good mood; Expat in Kerala: sees and experiences the real deal (which I think, despite my complaining, is the better deal).
I hope I haven’t turned anyone off from visiting India. I promise you – it changes your life in the most unexpected ways. I sound like a broken record because I know I’ve written this before. Like I said, my emotions are always in a constant battle – it’s a duality, much like India itself. The extreme good and extreme bad, extreme wealth and extreme poverty learn to co-exist with each other somehow. People say that you either love India or you hate it when you visit for the first time, and I can assuredly say that it’s possible to love and hate this place in the same breath. This is my experience and mine alone. I’ll be posting the next entry sometime next week. Stay tuned!
I’ve been back in Trivandrum for almost three weeks now. So far, I’ve readjusted to the humidity and heat and the fact that I will never be able to do anything with my hair here besides just letting it be a poofball. And it’s great to be able to relish South Indian food again. Thank goodness the repulsion didn’t last. Speaking of food, I don’t have to cook much anymore either. My husband hired a maid/cook for me so I can just live the life of (pregnant) Reilly. And it’s a good thing there was someone here to cook for the first several days especially because I was out of commission with jet lag. I blame that on Little Bean.
And I think Lil’ Bean has grown quite a bit. At least, I hope SHE has because my stomach has ballooned over the past couple weeks. So much so that Zac will sometimes look at my stomach in concern and say, “You still have a few months to go. Are you sure it’s not going to burst?” Personally, I think she had a growth spurt because I stopped eating bacon and macaroni & cheese and started eating fresh fish, veggies, and fruits again. Thanks, Indian food! My burgeoning belly has also caused me to start waddling a bit, especially at night when I’ve just given up for the day. I feel like I’m a little pathetic looking sometimes, but it’s all worth knowing she’s growing like a weed. And she kicks like a maniac now too. I am beginning to think she rarely sleeps, or hopefully, she sleeps when I do. When she is quiet during the day, our new favorite thing to do is lightly tap or talk into my stomach until she starts kicking in response. Love it!
Zac and I haven’t done much since I’ve been back. That’s partly because we don’t have car yet (next month!), I get tired too easily, and it’s just so convenient to stay home now that we have someone doing our cooking. However, there is a lot of stuff to do in Trivandrum, and I want to see and do as much as possible before Lil’ Bean comes around. I mean, I know I’ll still be able to do things once she’s here, but I have a hard enough time hauling my own self around India. I may just want to be under house arrest with her for a month or so. Who knows? Anyway, our new favorite place to go outside our house is Veli Lake and Tourist Village and Shankumugham Beach. It’s only fifteen minutes from our house. We discovered it thanks to one of Zac’s cousins, who we took there two weeks ago. It’s simply a picnic area that has lovely gardens, boating, a kiddie park, and a floating restaurant. We loved it so much we went back this week.
Maybe starting next month, we’ll venture outside more, but right now, we’re enjoying our new home and relaxing together. And don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted on any exciting stuff we do try!
One of the many coconut trees in our yard.
Awesome views from our terrace!
BABY COCONUTS! Aren’t they cute?
Tamarind tree in our yard! How cool!
Temple that is just up the street from us. It was awesomely decorated for the Dussehra festival, but we didn’t get any photos of that. 😦
Along almost every road in India, you will see these hand painted advertisements, political announcements, etc. It’s always been one of my favorite things to see here even though it’s common. This sign is in Malayalam, the language of Kerala.
I love this photo. This house is HUGE and really fancy, and this stray dog parked himself on the stoop and was going to town cleaning himself. The many dualities of India. 🙂
Lovely scenic view on one of our evening walks. It’s even prettier when the sun is setting.
Who let the land manatee pose for this photo? 😉
More of the incredible views we see each evening.
Gardens at Veli Tourist Village!
Such a handsome fella!
They have tons of flowers in their gardens!
Some of the boats at the village
Posing on the floating bridge that leads to the beach.
Baddhi ka baal (cotton candy)
View looking from the beach back to the lake. There is a passage of water that connects the Arabian Sea to Veli Lake.
🙂
More beach
Don’t I look like I’m not sweating?
Cute backwater area
Freshly roasted!
Have I mentioned the gorgeous flowers?
MORE FLOWERS.
Red bananas!
Near the entrance
Zac’s relatives that we took to the village.
On the boat ride!
Floating bridge
Kiddie park
Area where the sea meets the lake
Backwaters
Fishing boat
Forest-themed restaurant where we went on a date
We clean up nice 🙂
Look at the monkey napkin holder!
By the way, did I happen to mention we bought a new camera? We’ve been on photo overload for the past several days!
Well, I head back to India on October 1, which leaves me with one week to enjoy and soak in as much of my Pennsylvania home as I can. I’ve already said my good-byes to some, and the travel anxiety is beginning to set in. I haven’t had a bad experience flying to or from India yet, but it’s just soooooooooooooo long. And I really don’t even think about how long the flights are once I’m on the plane, but it’s the idea of it. Three six-hour (approximately) flights, trudging through security at JFK, London Heathrow, and Kuwait, and then, my personal favorite, the immigration queue once I reach Trivandrum. But it’ll be 4:30 am when I land, so I’m hoping there won’t be much of a wait. And it’ll be all so worth it when I push my luggage cart out the doors and see Zac waiting for me, slightly fretting over my whereabouts.
The good-byes have been much less painful this time around. Last time, I had no idea when I would come back, and we all didn’t know how the Skype situation would work for keeping in touch. The tears and sorrows were for nothing because, honestly, I think I keep in better touch with people from India than when I am here. I am so thankful for the time I have been able to spend here. It’s been so nice to see those who I haven’t seen in a very long time.
I was able to see some of those people yesterday at the baby shower. I had a lot of fun, and I think everyone else did too. 🙂 I went with a rubber ducky theme, and my mom’s craftiness took off and left me with a super cute shower. Little Bean made out like a bandit with adorable outfits, toys, quilts, blankets, and money that will eventually be exchanged for a crib, a car seat, baby monitors, diaper bags, and other fun baby stuff. Here are my favorite pics from the day:
I think this was one of my favorite gifts. It made me giggle.
The jelly bean jar was my mom’s idea, but I did the duck and counted the jelly beans (my brother helped count too).
Ducky sugar cookies! We started with 80 – now there’s about 8 left!
This Bon Jovi shirt has been passed through so many children in the Serafini clan, it’s unbelievable it’s still in one piece.
I asked everyone to fill these out, and then after the shower, I strung them all together with ribbon to make a little booklet for myself. 🙂
Some were very poignant, others were downright hilarious.
Mommy to be!
Posing with my ducklings.
A bag of Hershey Kisses given to “Princess Bean,” but we all know who is really going to eat them. Hint: it’s me.
An absolutely gorgeous quilt made by my mom’s friend. It has little elephants on it.
Some more decor.
Some of the…ahem….male guests.
Had to give a shout-out to the shower photographer. 😉
The cake that was almost too pretty to eat.
The obligatory cake pose.
It’s exciting to think that the next time I update this, I’ll be back in India. I’m totally ready!
I suppose it’s time to post an update? These last few weeks have been pretty much a whirlwind. We have been trying to get things in order for my trip (successfully!), trying to find a place to live (another success!), desperately finding a new doctor for me and Little Bean (done and done!), and squeezing in one or two fun things before I leave (also, success!). I figured I’ll post my highlights of the new city, for us, so far.
The IISER Trivandrum Guesthouse
Our room may not be fancy at this place, but it has air conditioning, hot water, free wi-fi, our room gets cleaned a couple times a week, and we get three square meals a day. And Shashi, the cook/caretaker, has somehow managed to rekindle my appreciation for Indian food. I don’t know how he did it because I was still hating it all when we moved down here. EVERYTHING he makes tastes good, even if it looks gross to me. God bless him, for real. It also helps that we get to veg out three times a day on this nice balcony.
And here’s our room:
We’re allowed to stay for a month, which has turned into the biggest blessing of all, because then we were able to focus a lot of time on finding a place to live, and that brings me to my next highlight.
Our New Home
Just look at this place.
We’ll be living on the top floor, which has three bedrooms, a huge living room, two bathrooms, a dining room, and a lovely kitchen. I don’t know how new the whole place is, but the owner (who lives on the bottom floor with his family) is just finishing up our place. It’s in such a good location too. This was maybe the second or third place we looked at, and I think Zac and I both knew when we saw it that we weren’t really going to consider any place else (unless it was exceptional).
Thiruvananthapuram Zoo
This was our fun outing. Zac’s cousin, Arun, did us a gracious favor by taking us to the zoo. The zoo is apparently one of the oldest in India, and it is housed in the same complex as the Napier Museum, which we didn’t get to go to, but the building itself was lovely. The zoo was much larger than I expected, and it housed a lot of animals. The highlight was a lioness chowing down on her dinner; the biggest disappointment was the king cobra – we could barely see it through the bars on its cage. Here are some of the best pics.
Seal of Kerala in the front, Napier museum in the back
Lion-tailed macaque
Lion behind us!
She was loving it.
A one-horned rhino with no horn. I’m just hoping it was a rescue.
Hippo!
Gaur
Ox
Bengal tiger
This photo just makes me laugh.
Unfortunately, since our visit there, I have read in the newspaper that the baby hippo was accidentally stepped on and killed by its mother, and two of the leopard cubs died of a virus. So sad. 😦
The Indian Coffee House
So, the Indian Coffee House is a chain of, you guessed it, coffee houses that was started pre-independence. The earliest one was opened in 1936 in Bombay. We stopped at one yesterday (because preggo was hungry) in the late afternoon. Let me tell you, they had the best masala dosa I have ever had.
So, if you’re visiting India on a budget and need a clean, cheap place to eat, PICK HERE. There’s about 400 of them across India. You won’t be disappointed.
And the biggest highlight of our move so far…
Credence Hospital and My Second Ultrasound
I’m going to be honest – Credence Hospital was my second choice for a place to see an obstetrician and deliver the baby. We went to the Kerala Institute of Medical Sciences (KIMS) first because we had heard that was the best hospital in Kerala. Well, it was super, super crowded both times we went, which is saying something because MIMS was regularly crowded as well. We both decided the crowds were something neither of us wanted to deal with, so I got online to find a different hospital. I discovered Credence and the chief obstetrician Dr. Santhamma Mathew, who, by the way, just won some 2013 Times of India health icon award. Yeah, she’s a big deal.
The outside and inside of Credence isn’t as nice and sparkling new as KIMS, but the caring and compassion of everyone I have dealt with so far surpasses any concern about a few stains on the wall. Dr. Mathew is great – she’s easy to talk to, and when I saw her today (in a room next to the big delivery room), she had already assisted in five births this morning. FIVE. And I saw her around 10:30 am! FIVE. And she was just as cool as a cucumber. She went over my ultrasound and my chart and gave me the total okay to go to the US. Woo! One more thing, as I was waiting next to the delivery room to see the doctor, I heard a woman in the midst of labor. Yeah, that wasn’t scary at all….
I think my favorite thing so far about Credence was the radiologist who did my ultrasound today. He was so jolly and cheerful, and he showed me everything! Our baby’s little face (eyes, nose, and mouth!), the little heart and heartbeat (“Ohhhh, the heart is beating so nicely” were his exact words), little fingers and hands, little spinal column, little legs – he went over it all and explained it step by step, which was a far cry from my first ultrasound at MIMS, where I didn’t know what was going on at all. And while he was showing me the baby, the baby let out a hiccup, floated to the top of the screen and then slowly floated back down. I had promised myself to try not to be a dork this time, but a tear or two leaked out as I watching.
This is the last time I’ll update, most likely, until after I return from the US. Unless something super exciting happens there, but I really just plan on eating. 🙂
An American in Kerala 