Opening Note: One of the first things I learned in Kerala was that food speaks to you. When mustard seeds splutter in hot oil, it’s a signal: add the curry leaves, the shallots, the chillies. Over time, I realized language works the same way. It teaches me when to pause, when to listen, and how to name the world with new words.
Tadka (To My Younger Self)
When the mustard seeds splutter, that’s when you add the curry leaves, shallots, and chillies. Call them by their names: kaduk, kariveppila, ulli, mulak. Repeat them, ketto? They will be your anchors later.
You will learn the names of vegetables, fruits, grains first, by accident. Your ears will be covered in scales until they aren’t, and rice, fish, turmeric will become chor, meen, manjalpodi.
Hold on to the astonishment of learning them, tracing the seas they’ve crossed, the shores they’ve touched. Remember, Babel wasn’t a punishment. It was a gift: a doubling, trebling of names for tomato, onion, wheat.
You will want to tell someone about this wonder, but you will feel alone. In India, they will shrug, we know these things only. At home, eyes will glaze over. You’re allowed to marvel anyway, maanasilaayo?
You will still want to shrink into a corner, fear and self-doubt strangling you. But you’ll press forward anyway, shoulders tight, breath shallow, heart pounding.
It’s the same acceptance of terror that gets you through airports, onto planes to your mother, father, and brother, not to relive the old days, but to build new ones– good times, now, with their granddaughter. You learn to do what must be done.
On these visits, you will pass your grandparents’ house. You’ll see black trash bags slumped on the porch, weeds swallowing the yard. Look away if you must.
When you walk inside for the last time, you’ll search for their scent in the damp, unheated walls of late winter. It won’t be there. You will realize: loss doesn’t wait for your return.
And still, the seeds will pop when oil meets flame. The crackle is now, never then. It will not pause for a house that now belongs to someone else.
Fragrance will rise, sharp, insistent. The present will announce itself in smoke and spice.
So listen, mol: you don’t need to live inside what is gone. Stir the heat into what is here. Add the zest. Name things as they are. Find beauty in words for what’s to come. Eat while it’s hot.
Memory will cool soon enough on your tongue.
Closing Note: The crackle of mustard seeds hasn’t stopped surprising me. It’s a small sound, but it reminds me that life is always beginning again, in kitchens, in words, in the ways we honor our pasts.
When I first moved to Kerala, the one question people asked most was, “Do you like the food?” I didn’t know the importance of food for Malayalees at the time, so I felt confused why people asked that so often. I guess they thought the taste would be super alien to me since I grew up in the States. White rice is too spicy for us, know what I mean?
Of course I loved the food. The aromatic spices, the heat, the tang – it was heaven for my tastebuds. But I was always the odd duck in my immediate family. I liked seafood; no one else did. I liked jalapeños and black olives; no one else did. So it didn’t surprise me that I started enjoying Kerala food right away.
Kerala cuisine is, in general, based around three staples – rice, fish, and coconut. All meals will use at least one of these, if not all. It makes sense these would be staples because Kerala is a tropical, coastal state with paddy fields as far as the eye can see.
But one thing I’ve noticed is that every time I Google “best Kerala foods,” “best South Indian foods,” or any variation of the sort, the lists contain the following: idli, dosa, payasam, appam and stew, parotta and beef, karimeen pollichathu, and pazham pori (banana fritters). And I am always irritated because I know there are superior dishes out there. I’ve eaten them! I’ve cooked them!
Good food is endless here. So I decided to make my own list, including some unsung heroes of Kerala cuisine.
My Top 10 Fave Kerala Foods
1. Uttapam
Known in Kerala as oothappam, uttapam is a close relative of the famous dosa. If you ask me (and since this is my list), I think uttapam is the superior rice-based breakfast food. Since I am the only person in this house that likes uttapam, I don’t get to eat it often.
I’ve jokingly referred to uttapam as Kerala-style pizza. It is basically a thick, soft, savory pancake topped with vegetables (mainly onion, tomato, and green chili). You can eat it with sambar and chutney, but I prefer to eat it plain. It’s delicious enough on its own.
This was my first try making it for myself.
2. Anchovy and Sardine Fry
While uttapam is a rare treat for me, nettholi (anchovy) and mathi (sardine) fry are eaten at least twice per week. The fish are cleaned and marinated in a paste made from turmeric, black pepper, red chili, and salt. Then, they are fried until crisp, or if you’re me, until they are almost burnt.
I am not sure what makes these so delicious. But man oh man, couple fish fry with some Kerala red rice, pulissery, and mango pickle, and it is *chef’s kiss.* Man, I’m hungry already, and it’s not even lunchtime!
Nettholi/Anchovy fry
3. Thoran
Thoran is a savory dish made from any vegetable you can think of and coconut. The vegetable is diced up, the coconut is grated, and they are both stir-fried to perfection with turmeric, cumin seed, and salt.
I have several types of thoran that I love – cheera (red spinach), beetroot, green beans, banana flower, and chakkakuru (jackfruit seed). Thoran is a dish you will find during meal time at least every other day in many households.
As ubiquitous as this dish is, I had a hard time finding it on any “best Kerala foods” lists!
This is none of my favorites. It’s radish thoran. Still delicious.
4. Ghee Rice/Neychoru
Ghee rice is self-explanatory. It’s made using a short-grained rice and ghee. However, whole spices like cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, and star anise are added for flavor, and the rice is topped with fried cashews, raisins, and onions. For me, the best part of this dish is the fried onions. Just hand me a plate of those please!
Let me pat myself on the back – I’ve perfected this dish. I received praise for my neychoru every time I make it. I serve it with chicken or mutton curry, raita, pickle, and papadum.
My famous ghee rice is in the top right corner.
5. Bitter Gourd/Pavakkai Fry
Way back when I was in my first trimester and sick as a dog, I didn’t want to eat anything within a hundred-kilometer radius of our Calicut home. Nothing sounded good, and everything smelled terrible. One day I worked up a small appetite and asked Zac to bring me a veg meal from a nearby restaurant. By some small miracle, they served pavakkai fry in my meal that day, and I ate every last bite.
Pavakka, or bitter gourd, is a contentious vegetable. People either love it or hate it. It does have a bitter taste even after it’s cooked. I can eat pavakka in any type of recipe, but this one is my favorite. Similar to the fish fry, it’s marinated in a masala paste after slicing. Then it’s fried until it’s crispy. It’s normally eaten along with rice.
My daughter, who hates most vegetables, loves this recipe.
6. Pulissery
Pulissery, also known as moru curry, is a curd-based curry. It can be made with only curd or with things like ash gourd, pineapple, cucumber or taro root. It’s usually tempered with mustard and fenugreek seeds, dry red chilis, shallots, curry leaves, and turmeric.
This is one of my favorite accompaniments for rice. But I could drink pulissery on its own. It’s that good.
7. Brinjal Fry, South Indian Style
I’m not entirely convinced this is a pure Kerala dish, but I’m including it. Brinjal, or eggplant, is much smaller here than in the US. I find it tastes better, but I’m unsure if it’s the vegetable itself that’s better or if it’s the preparations.
Anyway, this dish is made by slicing the brinjal, and then marinating it in a masala paste (see a theme yet?). It’s then fried until the edges are crisp, and the centers are soft. This is one dish I don’t make often because I eat them until they’re gone. Even if it’s in one meal. I have no shame.
8. Kappa and Meen Curry
Okay, THIS is a popular dish, and one you will see on the “popular Kerala foods” lists. Many years ago, kappa, also called cassava, was considered a poor man’s food, but you’ll now find it in almost every five-star buffet! The cassava is boiled, mashed, and cooked along with coconut, mustard seeds, dry red chilies, and curry leaves.
Kappa is served with all kinds of curries, but I think the best combo is with red fish curry. It’s another one of those tangy, sour, and spicy curries that I adore, and I go back for seconds, thirds, or fourths of this delicacy!
Kappa and meen curryKappa on its own
9. Rasam
For sure, this dish didn’t originate in Kerala, but it’s consumed so widely in the state that I consider it part of local cuisine. I remember drinking rasam for the first time in a dingy Calicut canteen. I watched the locals throw their heads back and down the liquid, so I thought, “Hey, why not?” I lifted my steel cup and chugged the rasam, and my body went into brief shock. How could a soup pack so much flavor?
Like many recipes here, there are a few variations of rasam, but it almost always includes tamarind, black pepper, cumin seed, garlic, and coriander leaves.
Even though it’s more of a winter dish, I’ll down glasses of rasam on a hot summer day. I power through the sweating that comes post-drinking. I can’t get enough of the spicy, sour curries!
10. Thalassery Biryani
I love all kinds of biryani, so I had to put this on the list. Thalassery biryani is a special type of rice dish from Thalassery town in north Kerala.
Unlike most biryanis, which are made using basmati rice or another fragrant long-grained rice, Thalassery biryani is made with a short-grained rice called Jeerakasala.
Similar to neychoru, this biryani is cooked with lots of ghee, but then the rice is layered with cooked meat (chicken, fish, mutton, beef, etc.) and masala, and sealed so the flavors of the rice, meat, and masala blend together. It’s then topped with my faves – fried onions, cashews, and raisins.
One of the best biryanis I’ve ever had was from a little Thalassery biryani shack in Trivandrum. I tried a fish biryani that time. Everything aligned for that meal – the spices were just right, the amount of ghee was perfect, and the rice was neither too dry nor greasy.
One Dish That I Hate:
1. Puttu
I never felt more validated than when I read a story in March 2022 about a boy who wrote an essay on how much he hates puttu. Same, buddy, same. While the boy says it “breaks relationships” (I can only imagine!), I won’t go quite that far.
Puttu is always found on those “must try Kerala foods” lists, and I don’t get it. I have tried it in every possible way, and it’s not for me. It’s dry. The texture is gritty. And it tastes like paper. Sorry, Malayalees, please don’t kick me out (I also hate jackfruit)!
What are your favorite foods, whether they are from Kerala or elsewhere? What foods do you hate so much you want to toss them out the window when you see them? Let me know!
Well, you did it. You packed up and shipped off to another country; your dreams of wanderlust coming true. Soon enough, weeks or months have passed, and you’ve settled into a routine. But things aren’t as fun as you’d hoped.
Your bathroom looks weird, beds and pillows are too hard or soft, and the grocery store doesn’t carry anything you like. The climate is too hot or cold. It’s exhausting trying to do anything official where no one speaks your language. Everyone else’s concept of time is different from yours.
These are small problems, but small seems huge when you’re away from what’s familiar. Before you know it, homesickness creeps into your stomach.
A lot of blood, sweat, and tears goes into living overseas. You need to break down your beliefs and values, maintain your boundaries, cry a lot, and laugh more than you cry.
Believe me, I know. I’m going on a decade here in Kerala, and my physical and emotional changes careened through ups and downs. I never had any desire to live in another country. I was content to live in or near Pennsylvania for the rest of my life. Well, life had something else planned for me.
When I arrived in Calicut, I was a starry-eyed newlywed, thrilled to live with my husband. Not one thing about India bothered me. Giant cockroaches? Fine. All-day powercuts? Bring it on.
Then our daughter was born, and I ran face-first into a cultural wall. Everything I found endearing became an imposition, and I went into an “I’m here on a long vacation” mindset. Over time, I pulled away from that thought and grew to love my life. Now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else but Kerala. No matter where I am, I’ll leave a piece of my heart here. It’s my home.
But it wasn’t until recently that I figured out how I fell in love with Kerala. There are a few definitive things I did that made me feel like I now belong here. So, for the sake of anyone plunging into a new culture, I’m giving the few tips that helped me the most.
1.) Be observant.
When moving to a new country, this is the best piece of advice. Observe people. Check out their behaviors. Watch what they’re doing, but even more importantly, watch what they’re not doing. I learned so much about how to behave in India by shutting my mouth and observing.
Some things I learned: eating with my right hand and without utensils, not crossing my legs when I’m visiting someone’s home, replacing handshakes with head nods when meeting someone. These are small things, but people notice when you do them differently.
2.) Learn the language.
You knew this was coming. I’m not telling you to only learn to communicate with people. That is, of course, the biggest benefit to studying a new language. You create and deepen new connections with native speakers.
Learning the language blows your world wide-open. You can understand a new slew of music, movies, jokes, and idioms. For me, few things have been more satisfying than finally understanding Malayalam memes.
Learning a new language has a host of benefits. It stimulates the brain, stalls cognitive decline, and boosts creativity! So get signed up for a class and start your language journey!
3.) Throw yourself headfirst into the local culture.
Throwing yourself into anything when you’ve moved to a new country seems like the last thing you want to do. But please trust me on this one. It gives you an enormous appreciation for your new home. Take a dance class, a singing class, an art class. Pick something and try it, even if you’re terrible forever.
Learn the history of the art form. Attend a local performance or exhibition. You won’t regret it.
As for me, I’ve written before that I learned (and am still learning) mehndi. And right before the pandemic, I started Bharatanatyam lessons, which I love, love, love. Both have rich histories, and I gained new admiration for all mehndi artists and Bharatanatyam dancers.
4.) Cook the food. This, my friends, is what pulled me out of my cultural adjustment funk. When you cook the local cuisine, you tie yourself to much more than the food itself. You become connected to history, language, and relationships.
Recipe by recipe, I restored my self-esteem by perfecting a huge part of Malayalee culture – their food. Pride wells inside when I hear a Malayalee say, “Brittany is an expert in making biryani.”
5.) Stay humble. Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve culturally screwed up. It’s fine to make mistakes! But when Zac would explain how to avoid issues in the future, I’d rear up and demand why I had to change my behavior. The answer is rather dissatisfying: Because I had to.
Remaining culturally humble isn’t easy. It requires daily self-reflection: wondering how I can better communicate with and listen to people, and how I can better show my respect. It’s understanding the history and dynamics of where you’re living.
There is no sensitive way to say this, but it is neither your job nor your place to change the society where you live. Instead, amplify the voices of locals and citizens who are already changing things. They have done the hard work and deserve recognition.
I hope no one has read through this and now believes I sit stiff as a board and don’t speak so that I don’t offend anyone. If that was true, I wouldn’t have written this. Around friends and family here, I am totally myself. Frankly speaking, though, I am not the same person as the one who existed a decade ago, and that’s a good thing.
And there you have it. My five main tips for adjusting to a new country. While these won’t solve many other daily frustrations (a whole other ballgame), I hope they help people appreciate their new homes.
I’ve been back in Trivandrum for almost three weeks now. So far, I’ve readjusted to the humidity and heat and the fact that I will never be able to do anything with my hair here besides just letting it be a poofball. And it’s great to be able to relish South Indian food again. Thank goodness the repulsion didn’t last. Speaking of food, I don’t have to cook much anymore either. My husband hired a maid/cook for me so I can just live the life of (pregnant) Reilly. And it’s a good thing there was someone here to cook for the first several days especially because I was out of commission with jet lag. I blame that on Little Bean.
And I think Lil’ Bean has grown quite a bit. At least, I hope SHE has because my stomach has ballooned over the past couple weeks. So much so that Zac will sometimes look at my stomach in concern and say, “You still have a few months to go. Are you sure it’s not going to burst?” Personally, I think she had a growth spurt because I stopped eating bacon and macaroni & cheese and started eating fresh fish, veggies, and fruits again. Thanks, Indian food! My burgeoning belly has also caused me to start waddling a bit, especially at night when I’ve just given up for the day. I feel like I’m a little pathetic looking sometimes, but it’s all worth knowing she’s growing like a weed. And she kicks like a maniac now too. I am beginning to think she rarely sleeps, or hopefully, she sleeps when I do. When she is quiet during the day, our new favorite thing to do is lightly tap or talk into my stomach until she starts kicking in response. Love it!
Zac and I haven’t done much since I’ve been back. That’s partly because we don’t have car yet (next month!), I get tired too easily, and it’s just so convenient to stay home now that we have someone doing our cooking. However, there is a lot of stuff to do in Trivandrum, and I want to see and do as much as possible before Lil’ Bean comes around. I mean, I know I’ll still be able to do things once she’s here, but I have a hard enough time hauling my own self around India. I may just want to be under house arrest with her for a month or so. Who knows? Anyway, our new favorite place to go outside our house is Veli Lake and Tourist Village and Shankumugham Beach. It’s only fifteen minutes from our house. We discovered it thanks to one of Zac’s cousins, who we took there two weeks ago. It’s simply a picnic area that has lovely gardens, boating, a kiddie park, and a floating restaurant. We loved it so much we went back this week.
Maybe starting next month, we’ll venture outside more, but right now, we’re enjoying our new home and relaxing together. And don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted on any exciting stuff we do try!
One of the many coconut trees in our yard.
Awesome views from our terrace!
BABY COCONUTS! Aren’t they cute?
Tamarind tree in our yard! How cool!
Temple that is just up the street from us. It was awesomely decorated for the Dussehra festival, but we didn’t get any photos of that. 😦
Along almost every road in India, you will see these hand painted advertisements, political announcements, etc. It’s always been one of my favorite things to see here even though it’s common. This sign is in Malayalam, the language of Kerala.
I love this photo. This house is HUGE and really fancy, and this stray dog parked himself on the stoop and was going to town cleaning himself. The many dualities of India. 🙂
Lovely scenic view on one of our evening walks. It’s even prettier when the sun is setting.
Who let the land manatee pose for this photo? 😉
More of the incredible views we see each evening.
Gardens at Veli Tourist Village!
Such a handsome fella!
They have tons of flowers in their gardens!
Some of the boats at the village
Posing on the floating bridge that leads to the beach.
Baddhi ka baal (cotton candy)
View looking from the beach back to the lake. There is a passage of water that connects the Arabian Sea to Veli Lake.
🙂
More beach
Don’t I look like I’m not sweating?
Cute backwater area
Freshly roasted!
Have I mentioned the gorgeous flowers?
MORE FLOWERS.
Red bananas!
Near the entrance
Zac’s relatives that we took to the village.
On the boat ride!
Floating bridge
Kiddie park
Area where the sea meets the lake
Backwaters
Fishing boat
Forest-themed restaurant where we went on a date
We clean up nice 🙂
Look at the monkey napkin holder!
By the way, did I happen to mention we bought a new camera? We’ve been on photo overload for the past several days!
Baby “Little Bean” Zachariah as of June 26, 2013. I have vowed not to post ultrasound pics on Facebook, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it on here.
Okay, soooo, I am starting to write this blog entry on May 31, 2013, in hopes that I won’t forget all of the things I want to write. First, let’s flashback to the beginning on May – I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. In a shocking twist of fate, it also turns out I was already a couple weeks pregnant when I was diagnosed, but I certainly didn’t know then. I had an ultrasound done and everything. I was given medicine and told to come back in six weeks to see how the meds were helping. To sum it up, we were not expecting a pregnancy until my hormones and all that were straightened out, which could have taken months. Flash forward to a week and a half after my diagnosis, I was experiencing cramps and a slight nausea after eating heavy meals. Oh, and mood swings. Mood swings like you would not believe. Finally, the last week of May came around, and I still had no period. So, I did what any responsible adult would do – I googled my symptoms and the results showed that they were an early sign of pregnancy, but I was thinking, “LOL…yeah, right. What are the odds of that happening?” So, I asked Zac to buy some pregnancy tests for me. I tested in the morning, two days in a row, both were clearly positive.
Cue morning sickness. Or, for me, all day nausea. And exhaustion. And the thought of eating any Indian food completely repulsed me, even the smell of chicken biriyani (which was my favorite) totally grossed me out. And still does (at this point). But luckily, I have been able to buy and eat Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, salty crackers, ICEE pops, pasta, and Maggi noodles (the Indian equivalent of Ramen). These are good and all for my nausea, but what I WANT to eat is as follows: garlic breadsticks, mashed potatoes with gravy, macaroni and cheese, bacon, tacos, pancakes, a turkey sub with tons of pickles and Italian dressing, a bagel with cream cheese, sweet potato casserole, and maybe a chili dog or two. I WANT EVERYTHING I CAN’T HAVE. And it’s not just “Yeah, that stuff sounds pretty good right now.” It’s “Oh my goodness, I would hike up a giant mountain if there was a turkey sub at the top.” Like, for real, Zac could be taking me to the nicest Indian restaurants in Calicut, and I would be fantasizing about a Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell.
Back to the story – I was whisked away to the Malabar Institute of Medical Science (MIMS) hospital once again to see my wonderful doc, Dr. Tajunnisa, who made me get a blood test for the absolute result. And after congratulating us and feeling my tummy to make sure things felt normal, Dr. Tajunnisa thankfully prescribed me some anti-nausea pills. My new best friends. I can now at least function close to what a human being should be.
And it’s already amazing how, in an instant, my priorities have absolutely changed. Every decision now is tinged with “Will this be good for baby?” Seriously, everything we buy that we don’t necessarily need, I am thinking “This money could be saved for baby.” I had been planning this trip for us to take in December to see the Taj Mahal and the Himalayas, and now, well, I just don’t care if we ever do it (although we still eventually will go, I’m sure). I’m having a baby, and that’s more wonderful and beautiful than 20,000 Taj Mahals combined. PLUS, now we have decided we should go to Pennsylvania during that time because, if given the choice between the Himalayas and shoving my mom’s Christmas cookies down my foodhole, I’m picking the cookies. Ok, that’s only part of the reason. I really, really, really want to see my family before I pop out baby.
And let’s talk for a minute about how wonderful my husband has been. He has been bringing me takeout food everyday because I am too useless to cook right now (our kitchen makes me gag). And it’s not easy finding stuff I like; I did like eating Indian breads and curry for a while, but now my stomach has started a mutiny against that as well. So, now this is how it usually goes: Zac – “What do you want me to get for lunch?” Me – “Macaroni and cheese.” Zac – “…..I’ll just bring you a veg burger.” And if I think I’m concerned about baby, he’s concerned times 1,000. And when I am jolted awake in the middle of the night by nausea pangs, he is right there awake with me and soothes me back into slumber. He’s the best man for the job, and I can’t wait to see him as a dad.
Update June 27, 2013 – I went for my first ultrasound yesterday. Having an ultrasound done here is a bit different than in the US, from what I can remember. Because there are so many people, the radiologists don’t have much time for bedside manner; they just have to keep the patients going in and out as quickly as possible. We left early yesterday in an attempt to beat the crowd (it didn’t work), and I was ushered in maybe about 40 minutes after we arrived. Zac had to go for an X-ray at the time of my ultrasound, so he didn’t go in (and don’t worry – it was just for a general check-up). This time, my radiologist was a woman, which made me a little more comfortable, but she still sat there stone-faced through much of the scan. I was so desperate to blurt out, “Is there even anything THERE? Say something!!” After about 5 minutes, she finally got a slight smile on her face, turned the screen towards me and said, “Here is the live fetus.” And there was our baby, swimming in and out of focus. I got a big, stupid grin on my face, a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes, and all I managed to squeak was “So tiny!” This made the radiologist smile even wider, and she replied, “Yes, everything looks fine.”
After we got the results, and I cooed over the pic of Little Bean (my nickname is Bean), we went out for a celebratory lunch at one of our faves, M Grill in the Focus Mall. I had homemade primavera pasta, which was AWESOME and exactly something I had been craving, and Zac celebrated like any man’s man would – he ordered a steak. After this, we went back to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Tajunnisa. I will be so sad to leave her because she worked abroad in the UK for quite some time, so she knows how fussy white people can be. And she’s okay with it. Anyway, she literally gave us a thumb’s up after reading the scan results, gave me my approximate due date (January 25, 2014), felt my tummy some more, and sent us on our merry way. Okay, so there was more involved in the appointment than what I wrote, but you get the point.
Since my due date is in January, it looks like I won’t get my wish of shoving Christmas cookies down my foodhole, but I am planning to go soon (Doc gave the okay on traveling after 4 months). I am excited for it, but I am sure Zac will be shocked at my size when I arrive back here.
And, just so everyone knows (or whoever reads this), I am delivering here in Kerala, and our kid will be able to be a US citizen. We just have to file lots paperwork and go for an appointment at the closest US Consulate.
One last thing – we are moving to Trivandrum/Thiruvananthapuram in about a week, so this may be my final post until we get settled down there.
Our kid’s first Bon Jovi t-shirt. We bought this back in January. No lie.
An American in Kerala 