Food – An American in Kerala

My 10 Favorite Kerala Foods (Plus One That I Hate)

When I first moved to Kerala, the one question people asked most was, “Do you like the food?” I didn’t know the importance of food for Malayalees at the time, so I felt confused why people asked that so often. I guess they thought the taste would be super alien to me since I grew up in the States. White rice is too spicy for us, know what I mean?

Of course I loved the food. The aromatic spices, the heat, the tang – it was heaven for my tastebuds. But I was always the odd duck in my immediate family. I liked seafood; no one else did. I liked jalapeños and black olives; no one else did. So it didn’t surprise me that I started enjoying Kerala food right away.

Kerala cuisine is, in general, based around three staples – rice, fish, and coconut. All meals will use at least one of these, if not all. It makes sense these would be staples because Kerala is a tropical, coastal state with paddy fields as far as the eye can see.

But one thing I’ve noticed is that every time I Google “best Kerala foods,” “best South Indian foods,” or any variation of the sort, the lists contain the following: idli, dosa, payasam, appam and stew, parotta and beef, karimeen pollichathu, and pazham pori (banana fritters). And I am always irritated because I know there are superior dishes out there. I’ve eaten them! I’ve cooked them!

Good food is endless here. So I decided to make my own list, including some unsung heroes of Kerala cuisine.

My Top 10 Fave Kerala Foods

1. Uttapam

Known in Kerala as oothappam, uttapam is a close relative of the famous dosa. If you ask me (and since this is my list), I think uttapam is the superior rice-based breakfast food. Since I am the only person in this house that likes uttapam, I don’t get to eat it often.

I’ve jokingly referred to uttapam as Kerala-style pizza. It is basically a thick, soft, savory pancake topped with vegetables (mainly onion, tomato, and green chili). You can eat it with sambar and chutney, but I prefer to eat it plain. It’s delicious enough on its own.

Photo showing South Indian dish called uttapam. — This was my first try making it for myself.

2. Anchovy and Sardine Fry

While uttapam is a rare treat for me, nettholi (anchovy) and mathi (sardine) fry are eaten at least twice per week. The fish are cleaned and marinated in a paste made from turmeric, black pepper, red chili, and salt. Then, they are fried until crisp, or if you’re me, until they are almost burnt.

I am not sure what makes these so delicious. But man oh man, couple fish fry with some Kerala red rice, pulissery, and mango pickle, and it is *chef’s kiss.* Man, I’m hungry already, and it’s not even lunchtime!

Photo showing fried sardines and anchovies — Nettholi/Anchovy fry

3. Thoran

Thoran is a savory dish made from any vegetable you can think of and coconut. The vegetable is diced up, the coconut is grated, and they are both stir-fried to perfection with turmeric, cumin seed, and salt.

I have several types of thoran that I love – cheera (red spinach), beetroot, green beans, banana flower, and chakkakuru (jackfruit seed). Thoran is a dish you will find during meal time at least every other day in many households.

As ubiquitous as this dish is, I had a hard time finding it on any “best Kerala foods” lists!

Photo showing a type of thoran, a Kerala dish. — This is none of my favorites. It’s radish thoran. Still delicious.

4. Ghee Rice/Neychoru

Ghee rice is self-explanatory. It’s made using a short-grained rice and ghee. However, whole spices like cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, and star anise are added for flavor, and the rice is topped with fried cashews, raisins, and onions. For me, the best part of this dish is the fried onions. Just hand me a plate of those please!

Let me pat myself on the back – I’ve perfected this dish. I received praise for my neychoru every time I make it. I serve it with chicken or mutton curry, raita, pickle, and papadum.

Photo showing a meal of ghee rice, chicken curry, raita, and pineapple. — My famous ghee rice is in the top right corner.

5. Bitter Gourd/Pavakkai Fry

Way back when I was in my first trimester and sick as a dog, I didn’t want to eat anything within a hundred-kilometer radius of our Calicut home. Nothing sounded good, and everything smelled terrible. One day I worked up a small appetite and asked Zac to bring me a veg meal from a nearby restaurant. By some small miracle, they served pavakkai fry in my meal that day, and I ate every last bite.

Pavakka, or bitter gourd, is a contentious vegetable. People either love it or hate it. It does have a bitter taste even after it’s cooked. I can eat pavakka in any type of recipe, but this one is my favorite. Similar to the fish fry, it’s marinated in a masala paste after slicing. Then it’s fried until it’s crispy. It’s normally eaten along with rice.

Photo showing karela/bitter gourd/pavakka fry. — My daughter, who hates most vegetables, loves this recipe.

6. Pulissery

Pulissery, also known as moru curry, is a curd-based curry. It can be made with only curd or with things like ash gourd, pineapple, cucumber or taro root. It’s usually tempered with mustard and fenugreek seeds, dry red chilis, shallots, curry leaves, and turmeric.

This is one of my favorite accompaniments for rice. But I could drink pulissery on its own. It’s that good.

7. Brinjal Fry, South Indian Style

I’m not entirely convinced this is a pure Kerala dish, but I’m including it. Brinjal, or eggplant, is much smaller here than in the US. I find it tastes better, but I’m unsure if it’s the vegetable itself that’s better or if it’s the preparations.

Anyway, this dish is made by slicing the brinjal, and then marinating it in a masala paste (see a theme yet?). It’s then fried until the edges are crisp, and the centers are soft. This is one dish I don’t make often because I eat them until they’re gone. Even if it’s in one meal. I have no shame.

8. Kappa and Meen Curry

Okay, THIS is a popular dish, and one you will see on the “popular Kerala foods” lists. Many years ago, kappa, also called cassava, was considered a poor man’s food, but you’ll now find it in almost every five-star buffet! The cassava is boiled, mashed, and cooked along with coconut, mustard seeds, dry red chilies, and curry leaves.

Kappa is served with all kinds of curries, but I think the best combo is with red fish curry. It’s another one of those tangy, sour, and spicy curries that I adore, and I go back for seconds, thirds, or fourths of this delicacy!

Photo showing the Kerala delicacy, kappa and meen curry. — Kappa and meen curry

Photo showing kappa dish after cooking. — Kappa and meen curry

9. Rasam

For sure, this dish didn’t originate in Kerala, but it’s consumed so widely in the state that I consider it part of local cuisine. I remember drinking rasam for the first time in a dingy Calicut canteen. I watched the locals throw their heads back and down the liquid, so I thought, “Hey, why not?” I lifted my steel cup and chugged the rasam, and my body went into brief shock. How could a soup pack so much flavor?

Like many recipes here, there are a few variations of rasam, but it almost always includes tamarind, black pepper, cumin seed, garlic, and coriander leaves.

Even though it’s more of a winter dish, I’ll down glasses of rasam on a hot summer day. I power through the sweating that comes post-drinking. I can’t get enough of the spicy, sour curries!

10. Thalassery Biryani

I love all kinds of biryani, so I had to put this on the list. Thalassery biryani is a special type of rice dish from Thalassery town in north Kerala.

Unlike most biryanis, which are made using basmati rice or another fragrant long-grained rice, Thalassery biryani is made with a short-grained rice called Jeerakasala.

Similar to neychoru, this biryani is cooked with lots of ghee, but then the rice is layered with cooked meat (chicken, fish, mutton, beef, etc.) and masala, and sealed so the flavors of the rice, meat, and masala blend together. It’s then topped with my faves – fried onions, cashews, and raisins.

One of the best biryanis I’ve ever had was from a little Thalassery biryani shack in Trivandrum. I tried a fish biryani that time. Everything aligned for that meal – the spices were just right, the amount of ghee was perfect, and the rice was neither too dry nor greasy.

One Dish That I Hate:

1. Puttu

I never felt more validated than when I read a story in March 2022 about a boy who wrote an essay on how much he hates puttu. Same, buddy, same. While the boy says it “breaks relationships” (I can only imagine!), I won’t go quite that far.

Puttu is always found on those “must try Kerala foods” lists, and I don’t get it. I have tried it in every possible way, and it’s not for me. It’s dry. The texture is gritty. And it tastes like paper. Sorry, Malayalees, please don’t kick me out (I also hate jackfruit)!

What are your favorite foods, whether they are from Kerala or elsewhere? What foods do you hate so much you want to toss them out the window when you see them? Let me know!

5 Tips For Loving Your New Country

Well, you did it. You packed up and shipped off to another country; your dreams of wanderlust coming true. Soon enough, weeks or months have passed, and you’ve settled into a routine. But things aren’t as fun as you’d hoped.

Your bathroom looks weird, beds and pillows are too hard or soft, and the grocery store doesn’t carry anything you like. The climate is too hot or cold. It’s exhausting trying to do anything official where no one speaks your language. Everyone else’s concept of time is different from yours.

These are small problems, but small seems huge when you’re away from what’s familiar. Before you know it, homesickness creeps into your stomach.

A lot of blood, sweat, and tears goes into living overseas. You need to break down your beliefs and values, maintain your boundaries, cry a lot, and laugh more than you cry.

Believe me, I know. I’m going on a decade here in Kerala, and my physical and emotional changes careened through ups and downs. I never had any desire to live in another country. I was content to live in or near Pennsylvania for the rest of my life. Well, life had something else planned for me.

When I arrived in Calicut, I was a starry-eyed newlywed, thrilled to live with my husband. Not one thing about India bothered me. Giant cockroaches? Fine. All-day powercuts? Bring it on.

Then our daughter was born, and I ran face-first into a cultural wall. Everything I found endearing became an imposition, and I went into an “I’m here on a long vacation” mindset. Over time, I pulled away from that thought and grew to love my life. Now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else but Kerala. No matter where I am, I’ll leave a piece of my heart here. It’s my home.

But it wasn’t until recently that I figured out how I fell in love with Kerala. There are a few definitive things I did that made me feel like I now belong here. So, for the sake of anyone plunging into a new culture, I’m giving the few tips that helped me the most.

1.) Be observant.

When moving to a new country, this is the best piece of advice. Observe people. Check out their behaviors. Watch what they’re doing, but even more importantly, watch what they’re not doing. I learned so much about how to behave in India by shutting my mouth and observing.

Some things I learned: eating with my right hand and without utensils, not crossing my legs when I’m visiting someone’s home, replacing handshakes with head nods when meeting someone. These are small things, but people notice when you do them differently.

2.) Learn the language.

You knew this was coming. I’m not telling you to only learn to communicate with people. That is, of course, the biggest benefit to studying a new language. You create and deepen new connections with native speakers.

Learning the language blows your world wide-open. You can understand a new slew of music, movies, jokes, and idioms. For me, few things have been more satisfying than finally understanding Malayalam memes.

Learning a new language has a host of benefits. It stimulates the brain, stalls cognitive decline, and boosts creativity! So get signed up for a class and start your language journey!

3.) Throw yourself headfirst into the local culture.

Throwing yourself into anything when you’ve moved to a new country seems like the last thing you want to do. But please trust me on this one. It gives you an enormous appreciation for your new home. Take a dance class, a singing class, an art class. Pick something and try it, even if you’re terrible forever.

Learn the history of the art form. Attend a local performance or exhibition. You won’t regret it.

As for me, I’ve written before that I learned (and am still learning) mehndi. And right before the pandemic, I started Bharatanatyam lessons, which I love, love, love. Both have rich histories, and I gained new admiration for all mehndi artists and Bharatanatyam dancers.

4.) Cook the food. This, my friends, is what pulled me out of my cultural adjustment funk. When you cook the local cuisine, you tie yourself to much more than the food itself. You become connected to history, language, and relationships.

Recipe by recipe, I restored my self-esteem by perfecting a huge part of Malayalee culture – their food. Pride wells inside when I hear a Malayalee say, “Brittany is an expert in making biryani.”

5.) Stay humble. Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve culturally screwed up. It’s fine to make mistakes! But when Zac would explain how to avoid issues in the future, I’d rear up and demand why I had to change my behavior. The answer is rather dissatisfying: Because I had to.

Remaining culturally humble isn’t easy. It requires daily self-reflection: wondering how I can better communicate with and listen to people, and how I can better show my respect. It’s understanding the history and dynamics of where you’re living.

There is no sensitive way to say this, but it is neither your job nor your place to change the society where you live. Instead, amplify the voices of locals and citizens who are already changing things. They have done the hard work and deserve recognition.

I hope no one has read through this and now believes I sit stiff as a board and don’t speak so that I don’t offend anyone. If that was true, I wouldn’t have written this. Around friends and family here, I am totally myself. Frankly speaking, though, I am not the same person as the one who existed a decade ago, and that’s a good thing.

And there you have it. My five main tips for adjusting to a new country. While these won’t solve many other daily frustrations (a whole other ballgame), I hope they help people appreciate their new homes.

If I Can Cook, Then There’s Hope for Everyone

One of my proudest accomplishments in India has been learning to cook. And I don’t mean just learning to cook Indian food. I mean learning to cook, full stop. I was never one for trying complicated, multi-step recipes, especially when I lived alone. I felt like any recipe I tried went to waste. I relied on my crockpot sometimes to surprise me with a wholesome, delicious meal, but more often than not, I used boxed mac n cheese, frozen pizzas, or egg and tuna salad to survive my bachelorette life. Even when Zac and I were together in the US before we married, he would cook for me. He’s the one who conditioned me to such strong heat in curries that when I moved here, the spiciest curries didn’t bother me one bit.

When I moved here, if you’ll remember, we barely owned anything. Not even a refrigerator, so cooking was an adventure, to the say the least. We could only buy enough vegetables or fish that we could eat in one sitting, and to top that off, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. We visited Zac’s aunt and uncle soon after I had moved there, and his aunt tried to teach me how to make pulao, which is a rice dish made with some veggies and has cardamom pods, cloves, and cinnamon added to give the rice itself a bit of flavor. It looked so easy! Too easy! Fry the veggies in some oil with the whole spices and toss it all in the rice and cook! Done! I could handle it! I tried to make it a few days later, but I completely forgot how many cloves, cinnamon and cardamom should be tossed in. And who ever thought you could overly spice an Indian dish, am I right? When Zac and I tried the rice, the cloves and cinnamon cleared out our sinus cavities for days. It was awful. My lesson learned – for as many flavors as there are in Indian dishes, less is still waaay more. Time progressed and we finally bought a fridge like civilized people and were able to keep leftovers, so I got excited and started branch out with different fish and vegetable dishes. I was just getting good at it all when I got pregnant and nauseated and wanted to toss every single Indian dish out the window.

Then, I had a long break from cooking after we moved to Trivandrum. Since I was pregnant and would have to take care of a small baby, everyone naturally thought I wouldn’t be able to handle anything besides caring for a baby. At the time, I was a little more than offended. Like, my mom did it all. In fact, all the women I know did it more or less without outside help besides family. Why couldn’t I? But I digress, and now in retrospect, I realize I was such an emotional wreck that it was for the best that we kept a cook/housekeeper. After several months of keeping a cook, I got a little too bored and we fired our cook. And thus began the year of hiring and firing cooks until last December, when we finally got rid of our final cook and I permanently took over.

12771990_996720318054_9064104372130198701_o — My amazing stuffed eggplant. Seriously, it’s so good.

I hope I’m not being too modest when I say I make damn good food. I can make a chicken biryani that will knock your socks off. I can stuff eggplant with coconut and roasted cashews and tamarind like nobody’s business. I can chop, marinate, and fry slices of bitter gourd with my eyes closed. I have perfected homemade yogurt and am in the process of perfecting homemade butter. You want spiced buttermilk? I can make you a tall, cold glass. You want to try the famous Kerala red fish curry? I can make that too. The only thing I can’t do is make a round chapatti.

I can, however, make chapattis heart-shaped, triangle shaped, rhombus shaped, and trapezoid shaped.

Homemade yogurt made with buffalo milk

Bitter gourd

Red fish curry, fish fry, and beets thoran

Fried okra and black eyed peas masala

It’s safe to say that I can make a solid, multi- dish South Indian meal, but I could not make a Thanksgiving dinner if my life depended on it. And because both my husband and child are more carnivores than anything else, I’ve had to learn how to handle many things that I’ve never had to handle before. The chicken we buy isn’t frozen chicken breasts. You go to a guy selling chickens, pick one out and he slaughters it in front of you….if you want to watch and most people do. I know it’s just another part of life here, and it hardly bothers these tough skinned Indians, but I haate it. I stay as far away from the chicken stands as I can. It’s bad enough when we bring the meat home, and the meat is still warm. I’ve handled a chicken’s liver, gall bladder, and sphincter (so I’ve been told). Even though my biryani is excellent, I find myself eating less chicken each time I make it.

And we all know I can easily clean a fish – I wrote all about it before. And it’s like riding a bicycle, you never forget how to once you know. I’ve de-veined tiger prawns, sliced up raw squid (and tossed the tentacles), and plucked remaining feathers off of duck bones (so gross). I’m not proud of these things, but I’m listing them because I was never a person who wanted to touch icky things. Like, never ever ever. But, for some reason, being thrown into living in the middle of Kerala, it’s never bothered me as much as it could have. And I don’t know what that means. Am I different person than I was four years ago? Am I the same person who just does what she has to do to survive life here? Am I turning into a heartless monster because I’m generally okay with pulling the guts out of a fish?

12670650_10100107486523664_8241019239445942206_n — Squid and prawns. Each time I’ve handled them raw, I think, “There’s no way on Earth I can eat this.” But then when it’s cooked, it’s delicious!

Luckily I only have to ask the “heartless monster” question once or twice a week. I cook chicken and fish in bulk and then it usually last for a few days. The rest of the dishes we eat are my personal favorites – the vegetable dishes. Shopping for veggies here is something I don’t mind, which is saying a lot. We stop at roadside stands to buy the fresh produce people sell. The colors of all the vegetables are magnificent, and don’t even get me started on the fragrance of fresh curry leaves. At these stands, people sell the usual stuff like onions, tomatoes, shallots, cauliflower, green beans, potatoes, cabbage, carrots, okra, and eggplant (long green ones and small purple ones), but then there are so many others that I had never seen before moving here like snake gourd, ridge gourd, bottle gourd, and bitter gourd, green pumpkins, red spinach, elephant yams, tapioca, Chinese potatoes, large orange cucumbers that you can put in curries. There are others that I can’t even list because I don’t know what they’re called, but you better believe that we’ve brought them home, I’ve chopped them up and fried them with some coconut.

14199146_10100153592466984_8159090014511262630_n — Fresh veggies! Can’t beat it!

I think I was able to pick up cooking fairly easily because Indian food is all in the spices, and most of the time, all the same spices, for curries and sabjis – turmeric, coriander powder, and red chilli powder. And sometimes garam masala. Making chicken curry? More coriander and less red chilli. Fish curry? A crapload of red chilli, less coriander and several pieces of black tamarind. Making a green bean sabji? Roughly equal parts red chilli and coriander and a dash or two of garam masala. I’ve found these are the basics, and all other spices, like mustard seeds, cumin seeds, fennel, whole spices and things like asafoetida can be added as extras.

I read a great quote about Western food vs. Indian food a week or so ago – “While many Western cuisines preach the gospel of simplicity and highlighting the natural flavor of the ingredients, Indians take the opposite approach: season, season again, and what the hell, season some more.” And yes, it’s totally true. I may have made a mistake that first time with the pulao by adding too many cloves, et al. But when I add a little bit of those, plus a bay leaf, plus a bit of star anise, some whole black pepper, and a teaspoon of cumin seeds, the rice tastes EVEN BETTER. So, perhaps “less is more” isn’t the solution, but something like “more variety, less monopoly” is? I don’t know. It’s a “learn as you go” process. And it’s fun and most importantly for me it’s satisfying. I only hope that I can transfer my talent for Indian cooking over to American cooking for the time that I am home!

14344837_10100157477401544_856005593554503130_n — Pumpkin curry, chickpea masala, fried beans, and bitter gourd because my child can’t get enough bitterness.

Onam – the Biggest Kerala Festival!

Wow, long time, no write, huh? I know in my last post I had promised a few entries on what it’s like for me in India, but I had to step back from that. Like, waaaaaaaay back. The more I wrote, the more miserable I sounded and was becoming because I was picking apart the joy that someone else had found while touring here. Maybe someday I’ll come back to that when I can examine my big, scary India feelings without it affecting me in the present. So much for writing being cathartic.

Today, I’m gonna try to get back to the joy that I’VE found here (I’ve been doing this in my real life for a while now, and it’s working!). And one of those joys is…..Onam. You know, I realized I posted on my Facebook all of these gorgeous photos of pookalams (flower carpets), sadhyas (special meals), parades, games, but I’ve never explained the festival itself. Onam is the biggest festival in Kerala. It’s like Christmas: everybody celebrates it – Hindus, Christians, Muslims, you name it – no matter what they believe, and people start preparing for it far in advance. They have big Onam deals and sales in all the stores. For ten full days, people are pumped to the max about this celebration. Young men excitedly stand in groups in the middle of the road and stop moving traffic to gather donations for the nearby temples. And then Thiruvonam arrives, the culmination of the festival, and literally everything shuts down and people celebrate at home.

We moved way out to the boonies, away from Trivandrum city, about a month ago. On Thiruvonam, we drove into the city to spend the day with some family, and we were shocked at how deserted everything looked. No stores were open, no people along the roads selling fresh vegetables or fish. Total silence….until we came across those who were celebrating. People finish the pookalams (a task that begins on the first day of Onam – Atham) early in the morning in various places along the roads. Trucks, cranes, bulldozers, and rickshaws were trimmed with flower garlands and paper ribbons, but they had no drivers that day. Palm fronds were torn and folded into bows and hung from strings in the villages. And the people themselves were playing games like tug of war, blindfolding themselves and taking swings at clay pots, and musical chairs. They were dancing, laughing, joking, racing. We even came across two guys dressed as leopards? Tigers? We’re not sure, but they were chasing down the few cars that did drive by.

Peacock pookalam!

Peacock and kathakali dancer pookalam!

At the center of this festival is King Mahabali. A mythical king who is now depicted as a chubby, jolly looking fellow (sound familiar?), his spirit is said to visit Kerala on every Thiruvonam, and his people wish to show that they are as happy and prosperous as they were when he ruled the land, hence the flowers and elaborate meals.

screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-6-38-39-pm — Yeah, I took this from maheshworks.blogspot.in. This is how he’s portrayed a lot now.

But why does King Mahabali visit Kerala only once a year? I’m sure you’re all dying to know, right?! This legend goes way back – King Mahabali was very generous and wise. Kerala was at its best during his rule – no crime or corruption, no caste system, no poverty but no obscene wealth either, everyone lived in harmony. It was perfect until the gods became jealous of Mahabali’s rule and respect. The goddess, Aditi, went to Vishnu, the preserver God, and asked him to, you know, ‘take care of this Mahabali problem.’ To add some irony, Vishnu was the god that Mahabali worshipped the most! Anyway, Vishnu agreed and disguised himself as Vamana, a poor Brahmin dwarf. Mahabali had just finished his morning prayers when Vamana/Vishnu approached him. Vamana explained he was a simple, poor Brahmin who only wanted some land of his own. Mahabali asked how much land Vamana wanted to which he responded “as much as I can cover with three steps.” Mahabali was shocked that this poor man would ask for so little, but he agreed anyway, not sensing that anything was amiss. But as soon as Mahabali agreed, Vamana grew and grew and grew and grew until he was larger than the earth itself. Vamana covered the earth with his first step and the heavens with his second, but then he stopped and said, “Where shall I take my third step?” And Mahabali knew he had to do something or this man was going to destroy the world, so he bowed as low as he could go and asked Vamana to place his third step directly on his head. Vamana pushed Mahabali into the underworld with his final step, and Mahabali begged for Vamana to show who he really was. After seeing that Vamana was really Vishnu, Mahabali, now banished to the underworld, requested to be allowed to visit Kerala once each year because he was so fond of his people. Vishnu was incredibly moved by the request and the king’s kindness and so he granted Mahabali’s wish and told Mahabali that he would always be dearly loved by his people.

And there you have it. I’m certain I’ve missed details, but I think I covered the basics of the story so everyone reading can understand why Onam is a big deal. People prepare for Mahabali’s return for 9 days, and then on the tenth day, his spirit visits and is pleased to see everybody partaking in large meals (the Onam Sadhya) and playing games and enjoying one another’s company. Just like during his reign.

14379705_10100158149579494_7129763482045447537_o — Homemade Onam Sadhya (minus the rice). There’s a specific order in how things are served. Anywhere from 11 to 34 dishes are prepared. The food should be served on a banana leaf and rice is the center of the meal. Pappadum is always to the extreme left, then a banana, then salt, banana and yam chips, ginger pickle, lime pickle, mango pickle, next are the chutnies (beetroot) and ullikitchadi, cabbage thoran (with coconut), avial (another dish with vegetables and coconut), and another thoran made of beans. After the heaping pile of rice is scooped, dal curry (lentils) and ghee are poured on top. After half the rice is consumed, then sambar curry is poured on the rice. After that, a second round of rice can be taken with pulisseri (curry made with yogurt). Then, if one can eat all that, payasam is served for dessert. Phew!

14492368_10100161797993044_3736438554519939972_n

We got to celebrate Thiruvonam twice is year – once on the actual holiday itself, and then again ten days later when the institute’s, where my husband works, students put on their own celebration. I recorded a lot of the parades and the games, and now our daughter can’t go more than a couple hours without asking to watch “daddy play musical chairs” or the clip of the “drummers and the Tigers.” And I’ve listened to the rhythmic drum beats about 800 times now, but I’m not sick of it yet. She gets so excited watching it, and then explaining to me how scared she was that day when she saw the “tigers” dancing down the hallway.

screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-6-31-40-pm — “Mommy, da tigahs!”

I usually get a huge lump in my throat because I know this is such a blessing for her. Regardless of how torn I may be on my rough days here, she’s is undoubtedly lucky to be sharing in the spectacles of both her mother’s and father’s cultures. Evelyn and I are going to the US next month for three months, so we’ll be there for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, so she’ll get to share in MY favorite American holiday traditions. But as usual, I’m split down the middle – feeling horribly guilty about leaving my husband and knowing we will miss him the entire time were gone, but nonetheless excited to eat ALL THE PUMPKIN and wear sweaters, scarves, and boots. And to see my family too – people who always understand my sarcasm and dry sense of humor. People who just, you know, get me. Zac gets me, and probably better than anyone else, but I still don’t know about everybody else. 😂 Before I pour out my heart and soul again with things you’ve read in, I think, every single post I’ve ever written, I’ll sign off. To all you Malayalees out there – I hope I did your festival a little bit of justice. It certainly is exciting to participate in.

Where Is the Time Going? AKA Why I’m a Terrible Housewife

Oh my word, I haven’t written since when….May? I see over the past 4 months or so, I’ve started three posts and never finished any. I just haven’t had time or the desire, honestly. Haven’t really had the time because of baby, but I also had the bright idea to fire our maid to save us money (and also because she stole some things). WHAT the hell was I thinking? I could barely take care of my musty old apartment in Johnson City, NY. In fact, I’m sure my parents will tell you, I could barely take care of my own room when I lived with them. And also – THIS IS INDIA where life, in general, is about five times more difficult than in the United States. And I’m a spoiled white lady – why did I think I could handle it with a baby on top of it? I’m a complete domestic failure! I skip sweeping for one day, and you should see the amount of dirt and bugs that show up. It’s unreal. And I can’t figure out why I’m so bad at it – there’s not all that much work to do. We have a smaller apartment. Is it because I didn’t have any practice with it before and after Evelyn was born? Is it because I’m just naturally messy and lazy, so it’s going to be a struggle forever? Because I totally thought I could do all the housework, the cooking, take care of Evelyn, maybe throw in a workout and once in a while, a blog entry. Yeah, I really thought that. And then the other day, “Sex and the City 2” was on, and it was a scene with two of the women (sorry, I don’t know their names) taking swigs from their cocktails while confessing things like “Being a mom is soooo hard! And it’s even harder without help!” And I am so ashamed to admit that I nodded in agreement. The thing is I know there are plenty of women who can handle it. My mom did, and she had a full time job then too. I am just not one of those women, at least not in India. It’s already tough enough living in a non-Western culture. So about two or three weeks ago, after caring for a sick hubby and baby and letting the house go to pot, I cried to my hubby and told him to hire a new maid. There’s going to come a time when I won’t be able to have a maid anymore, so I’m going to try and enjoy the help while I can.

And I haven’t really had a desire to write anything because how much can I write about parenting that hasn’t been said? I had started a post about differences between US and Indian parenting, from my perspective, but it was really just turning into me complaining about the aspects of US parenting that I felt were too cold and scientific and complaining about the aspects of Indian parenting that I felt were too based on old wives’ tales and superstitions. So I’ve decided to wait to write that post until I’m maybe a little less….ummm….emotional. Also – I’ve been soooo tired forever. Whoever said babies start sleeping longer once they’re on solids was a liar. Evelyn wakes more frequently now than she ever did. My baby went backwards – slept awesome in the beginning, not so much now.

That being said, failed housewife or not, I love being a mom. I think I have written something similar in every blog post since she was born. But it gets truer all the time. Evelyn is so much fun. As I am writing this, I have to keep grabbing hold of her diaper so she doesn’t somersault off her blankets and bonk her head on the tile floor, which she’s done a few times. She laughs hysterically at clothes pins and our terrace lamp post, waves hello and goodbye, loves to eat chicken and bananas and toast, wants to maul my husband’s mathematics books whenever she gets the chance, bounces up and down when “All About That Bass” is playing, and smiles and laughs when she looks at photos of herself. She’s becoming more of a person right before my eyes. For the last week or so, it feels like every night, when my husband and I are in the bedroom watching her sleep, one of us always says to other, “She is such a sweet baby.” I am so impressed with her. And I am pretty impressed with myself, quite frankly. I have learned how to master several tasks using only one hand and a baby in the other- cooking pretty much anything, loading and unloading the washing machine, carrying the laundry to the terrace to dry, showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth, sweeping the floor. I’ve also done some things that I’m sure I would be scolded for. Do I let her chew on the TV remote so I can drink my first cup of coffee in peace in the morning? ABSOLUTELY. Let her press buttons on my cellphone so I can get dressed in the morning? YES.

And I’ve been getting very homesick lately. It’s going on a year since I came back to India, and I will be going to the US at the end of March 2015. My dear husband is keeping a countdown for me, so I know there’s six months left. It’ll go by so fast, I know, and once I’m there, I’ll miss my husband terribly. But it’s little things that help cure my homesickness while I’m here. Like, we went out to eat at a European style cafe this weekend, and they were playing classic rock. I rocked out to Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” And, this was my favorite thing about the whole place, they served me iced tea in a tiny mason jar. It was the best thing and totally what I needed. That’ll have to hold me over until I go home where I’ve made my mom save ridiculous recipes like “buffalo chicken lasagna” and “s’mores pizza rollups.” I’ve also requested her to buy and save as many pumpkin flavored foods as she can. And I plan on eating bacon EVERY SINGLE MORNING and taking Evelyn outside to toddle around my parents’ yard EVERY SINGLE DAY. Maybe all day. Because I can. Yes, I’m excited to go home for a visit, but at the same time, I want this year to slow the heck down. Evelyn will be well over a year old when I take her. I’m not ready for that! So for as much as I am looking forward to my trip home I do not want to wish this time away. It’s such an awesome privilege to be her mother. And, for as much as perhaps I’ve complained (?) in this post, it’s such a privilege to have this experience here in India, sharing it with my husband and Evelyn, in all its frustrating (at times) glory. I wouldn’t change a thing….except maybe I wouldn’t have fired our maid. 😉

Hmmm...what is that delicious thing you're drinking, Mom? — Hmmm…what is that delicious thing you’re drinking, Mom?

Christmas 2013!

It’s December 29, 2013, here in Kerala, which means in three days, it will be 2014. And in 2014, I will be, God-willing, giving birth to a screaming, crying, pooping, sleeping, eating non-stop baby girl. I don’t know how it is for most women in my situation (LOL), but the fact that I will be a Mom in less than three weeks is way more exciting and terrifying than packing up and moving to India ever was. So, yeah, if you think these baby blog posts are ever going to stop now, you may as well just stop following my blog.

Since we have spent much of my husband’s hard-earned money on baby things, we had little money left over to do any big pre-baby vacations/trips/who-even-cares. Not that I really felt like it anyway because I feel like I’m carrying a small pony around inside me. But we did decide to do something “fun” on Christmas Day – we went to Varkala Beach and then had a five-course dinner at our favorite Trivandrum restaurant, Villa Maya.

,I am here to set the story straight about this beach trip lest you think it was something glamorous. Now, don’t get me wrong, Varkala Beach is beautiful. Probably the most beautiful beach in Kerala, if not the rest of India. It’s 98 percent clean (which is a huge deal; many beaches have loads of garbage), the water was gorgeous, and it’s absolutely not commercialized, meaning you don’t have to worry about people coming up and harassing you to take a speed boat ride (Zac and I have done this on Kovalam Beach, and it’s terrifying and dangerous and don’t do it). So, yes, Varkala is beautiful, and if you’re coming to Kerala for any reason, make a brief stop here. However, if you’re 8.5 months pregnant, don’t go thinking you can traipse through hot sand and climb up a cliff in the middle of a hot, sunny, tropical day, with no issues. Because there will be issues.

This beach is about an hour away from our house, so we left a little before 10 am and reached there around 11. After Zac courageously figured out the parking situation and I braved the “Pay & Use” bathroom, we were all set to explore.

One of the things we absolutely wanted to do was eat at Little Tibet, a tiny beach restaurant that was located somewhere on Papanasam Cliff. We asked a nice police officer where it was located, and he motioned for us to keep walking down the beach. Little did I know that he meant walk through two beaches and climb oodles of stairs.

This place looked like a backpacker's paradise. — This place looked like a backpacker’s paradise.

I was all nervous about taking a photo of these guys, and then I noticed a foreign couple standing directly in front of them, taking their photos.

At some point, we arrived at the northern end of the beach and holy foreigners! It was pasty skin as far as thee eye could see. Bikinis and speedos everywhere! Part of me felt relieved to see so many people who look just like me and another part was a little repulsed by all the display of skin. Personally, I was even a little uncomfortable removing my thin cardigan while we were there because I’m not used to showing off that much arm in public anymore. What’s happened to me??? Another thing I noticed about all the white people – they looked like they hadn’t showered in days. This was the first time I have realized how awful white people look when they come to India. No wonder we get stared at. I was so floored by my revelation that at one point I asked Zac if I looked like these people. And my dear, sweet husband stared at me in all my sweaty, pregnant splendor and said, “Well, you do a little right now.” Lesson learned.

To get to Little Tibet, we had to climb a bunch of stairs up a cliff.

Climbing those stairs was not my best idea. It was a really bad idea. Really, really bad. By the time we reached the top of the first set, my abdomen had tightened, I was short of breath, my knees were shot, my back was hurting. However, I am very stubborn, and I wasn’t going to let stairs get the best of me. So, we kept climbing despite Zac’s and Guram’s, his friend, protests. When we reached the top of the cliff, I was in such agony that I seriously felt like the dumbest person in the universe. But, hey, we had found Little Tibet! And we walked inside the entrance only to realize we had to go up one more flight of stairs.

The restaurant itself was okay. We had breakfast, which we didn’t think was anything too special. The juice I had was amazing, and the view from the top of the cliff overlooking the Arabian Sea was spectacular. Again, this place was all white people. Zac was the only Indian there.

Zac was also the only person that this cat slept on. Coincidence?

I don't want to exaggerate, but I'm pretty sure this lemon mint juice saved my life that day. — I don’t want to exaggerate, but I’m pretty sure this lemon mint juice saved my life that day.

After breakfast, we climbed back down the stairs, which was only slightly less painful for me. And then we made our way back to the car, stopping only so Zac could take some Baywatch photos of me in the water.

The water was so nice; I wanted so badly to just lie down in it.

And that was our trip to Varkala Beach. Next time, we decided to come either super early in the morning or in the evening because we hate the noontime sun. Lesson learned.

Christmas evening, we had booked a table at Villa Maya for their special Christmas dinner. Not just any table, but one of these:

I feel so fancy eating at this place. — We feel so fancy eating at this place.

Eating at Villa Maya is a totally different experience than what I am used to. I’ll start with the history – it’s an old palace that had been built for the maharaja’s wives. It had been empty for years before someone came along and thought it would be a great place to restore and turn into a restaurant. Sorry, a “fabled kitchen” (it’s their slogan). They have kept much of the history in tact, and on our first time there, we were given a tour of the place, explaining the historical significance of rooms and artifacts.

This pic is from our first time there. I was trying out maharaja-style dining, where you recline on the bed and the table is brought to you.

The little statues that are on the table were kept from the original palace.

In all of the little pools of water at Villa Maya, you can find tiny fish and frogs just hanging out.

The dining experience at Villa Maya is unbelievable as well. For the Christmas dinner, they had a five course meal planned. That wasn’t even counting the starter they bring out at the beginning which is usually some type of tiny hors d’oeuvre paired with an Ayurvedic drink, which I swear is designed to make you hungrier. For my Christmas dinner, I had the most Western style meal I could get – pumpkin bisque, roasted turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce, and Christmas pudding. We also ate a bunch of appetizers (they were unlimited); I think some prawns, chicken tikka, and some fried mozzarella were included in there somewhere. The chefs and servers here seem to know how to give you just enough food and space it out just enough so that you can remain hungry for the whole meal. I’m getting hungry now just thinking about the food there!

I think I forgot to mention that they flambéed the Christmas pudding in front of us.

It was paired with ice cream. So incredibly good.

And that was our Christmas Day 2013. We also squeezed in a nap because 1.) We’re an old married couple now, and we like naps, and 2.) We know in a few weeks, naps and sleeping will be scarce. Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and will have a wonderful New Year!

I’m a PREGNANT American in Kerala!

Baby "Little Bean" Zachariah as of June 26, 2013. I have vowed not to post ultrasound pics on Facebook, but that doesn't mean I won't do it on here. — Baby “Little Bean” Zachariah as of June 26, 2013. I have vowed not to post ultrasound pics on Facebook, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it on here.

Okay, soooo, I am starting to write this blog entry on May 31, 2013, in hopes that I won’t forget all of the things I want to write. First, let’s flashback to the beginning on May – I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. In a shocking twist of fate, it also turns out I was already a couple weeks pregnant when I was diagnosed, but I certainly didn’t know then. I had an ultrasound done and everything. I was given medicine and told to come back in six weeks to see how the meds were helping. To sum it up, we were not expecting a pregnancy until my hormones and all that were straightened out, which could have taken months. Flash forward to a week and a half after my diagnosis, I was experiencing cramps and a slight nausea after eating heavy meals. Oh, and mood swings. Mood swings like you would not believe. Finally, the last week of May came around, and I still had no period. So, I did what any responsible adult would do – I googled my symptoms and the results showed that they were an early sign of pregnancy, but I was thinking, “LOL…yeah, right. What are the odds of that happening?” So, I asked Zac to buy some pregnancy tests for me. I tested in the morning, two days in a row, both were clearly positive.

Cue morning sickness. Or, for me, all day nausea. And exhaustion. And the thought of eating any Indian food completely repulsed me, even the smell of chicken biriyani (which was my favorite) totally grossed me out. And still does (at this point). But luckily, I have been able to buy and eat Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, salty crackers, ICEE pops, pasta, and Maggi noodles (the Indian equivalent of Ramen). These are good and all for my nausea, but what I WANT to eat is as follows: garlic breadsticks, mashed potatoes with gravy, macaroni and cheese, bacon, tacos, pancakes, a turkey sub with tons of pickles and Italian dressing, a bagel with cream cheese, sweet potato casserole, and maybe a chili dog or two. I WANT EVERYTHING I CAN’T HAVE. And it’s not just “Yeah, that stuff sounds pretty good right now.” It’s “Oh my goodness, I would hike up a giant mountain if there was a turkey sub at the top.” Like, for real, Zac could be taking me to the nicest Indian restaurants in Calicut, and I would be fantasizing about a Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell.

Back to the story – I was whisked away to the Malabar Institute of Medical Science (MIMS) hospital once again to see my wonderful doc, Dr. Tajunnisa, who made me get a blood test for the absolute result. And after congratulating us and feeling my tummy to make sure things felt normal, Dr. Tajunnisa thankfully prescribed me some anti-nausea pills. My new best friends. I can now at least function close to what a human being should be.

And it’s already amazing how, in an instant, my priorities have absolutely changed. Every decision now is tinged with “Will this be good for baby?” Seriously, everything we buy that we don’t necessarily need, I am thinking “This money could be saved for baby.” I had been planning this trip for us to take in December to see the Taj Mahal and the Himalayas, and now, well, I just don’t care if we ever do it (although we still eventually will go, I’m sure). I’m having a baby, and that’s more wonderful and beautiful than 20,000 Taj Mahals combined. PLUS, now we have decided we should go to Pennsylvania during that time because, if given the choice between the Himalayas and shoving my mom’s Christmas cookies down my foodhole, I’m picking the cookies. Ok, that’s only part of the reason. I really, really, really want to see my family before I pop out baby.

And let’s talk for a minute about how wonderful my husband has been. He has been bringing me takeout food everyday because I am too useless to cook right now (our kitchen makes me gag). And it’s not easy finding stuff I like; I did like eating Indian breads and curry for a while, but now my stomach has started a mutiny against that as well. So, now this is how it usually goes: Zac – “What do you want me to get for lunch?” Me – “Macaroni and cheese.” Zac – “…..I’ll just bring you a veg burger.” And if I think I’m concerned about baby, he’s concerned times 1,000. And when I am jolted awake in the middle of the night by nausea pangs, he is right there awake with me and soothes me back into slumber. He’s the best man for the job, and I can’t wait to see him as a dad.

Update June 27, 2013 – I went for my first ultrasound yesterday. Having an ultrasound done here is a bit different than in the US, from what I can remember. Because there are so many people, the radiologists don’t have much time for bedside manner; they just have to keep the patients going in and out as quickly as possible. We left early yesterday in an attempt to beat the crowd (it didn’t work), and I was ushered in maybe about 40 minutes after we arrived. Zac had to go for an X-ray at the time of my ultrasound, so he didn’t go in (and don’t worry – it was just for a general check-up). This time, my radiologist was a woman, which made me a little more comfortable, but she still sat there stone-faced through much of the scan. I was so desperate to blurt out, “Is there even anything THERE? Say something!!” After about 5 minutes, she finally got a slight smile on her face, turned the screen towards me and said, “Here is the live fetus.” And there was our baby, swimming in and out of focus. I got a big, stupid grin on my face, a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes, and all I managed to squeak was “So tiny!” This made the radiologist smile even wider, and she replied, “Yes, everything looks fine.”

After we got the results, and I cooed over the pic of Little Bean (my nickname is Bean), we went out for a celebratory lunch at one of our faves, M Grill in the Focus Mall. I had homemade primavera pasta, which was AWESOME and exactly something I had been craving, and Zac celebrated like any man’s man would – he ordered a steak. After this, we went back to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Tajunnisa. I will be so sad to leave her because she worked abroad in the UK for quite some time, so she knows how fussy white people can be. And she’s okay with it. Anyway, she literally gave us a thumb’s up after reading the scan results, gave me my approximate due date (January 25, 2014), felt my tummy some more, and sent us on our merry way. Okay, so there was more involved in the appointment than what I wrote, but you get the point.

Since my due date is in January, it looks like I won’t get my wish of shoving Christmas cookies down my foodhole, but I am planning to go soon (Doc gave the okay on traveling after 4 months). I am excited for it, but I am sure Zac will be shocked at my size when I arrive back here.

And, just so everyone knows (or whoever reads this), I am delivering here in Kerala, and our kid will be able to be a US citizen. We just have to file lots paperwork and go for an appointment at the closest US Consulate.

One last thing – we are moving to Trivandrum/Thiruvananthapuram in about a week, so this may be my final post until we get settled down there.

Our kid's first Bon Jovi t-shirt. We bought this back in January. No lie. — Our kid’s first Bon Jovi t-shirt. We bought this back in January. No lie.

PS – My nausea is almost gone, I think. YAY!

The Joy of Cleaning Fish

Disclaimer: If seeing fish guts and blood bother you, skip this post.

Remember how, in one of my earlier posts, I insisted that my life here was not all glitz and traveling? Well, I am going to prove this today.

Keralites love their fish, and I can totally understand why – IT’S ALL FRESH. And, considering we have fish stands right down the road from us, we eat fish a lot. Which, in turn, means I clean fish. A lot. And I like to think I have become quite an expert at it. I have de-faced and de-gutted both big and small fish. I feel the small fish, like sardines and kora, are the most difficult to clean because there are so many of them. Unfortunately, for me, the small fish are my favorites – they taste the best and are generally the healthiest. Especially sardines. They’re like WonderFish.

One great thing about the giant, empty house we live in is that there is a work area off of the kitchen. It’s almost open air, so I can clean the fish without the kitchen stinking up too bad. A downside – sometimes, if I take too long cleaning, ants will start to creep in the windows because they smell braaaiiins (like zombies. I really hate ants). Anyway, here’s my work area:

From top left: Sardines, salt (to put in water), pan of water, aluminum foil, scissors and knife.

I used to use newspaper when cleaning, but I found out that using aluminum foil holds the fish “yuck” much better, and that means I don’t have to clean as much when it’s over. So, this is my process: cut off fins, scrape off scales (if any), rip off the face, remove the gills, cut it open, remove the entrails, plunk it in the salt water. Repeat until done. Believe it or not, I find cleaning fish to be a great stress reliever, and it’s pretty good exercise for my arms.

It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it. Especially if that somebody's hubby loves to eat fish. — It’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it. Especially if that somebody’s hubby loves to eat fish.

My least favorite part. It's the smelliest. — My least favorite part. It’s the smelliest.

Before dropping it in the saltwater. Lovely, no?

And that’s the process. It completely grossed me out the first 10 times I did it, but now I don’t think twice. The only time I still get the willies is when I find a foreign object lodged in a fish’s mouth. Freaks me out, especially when it’s another fish. This last time I cleaned, however, I found something a little more pleasant.

Little green sand dollar! Try to ignore the slime on my hands.

After the fish are cleaned, Zac takes over most of the time, makes a masala paste, and marinates the fish in the paste. Then, we fry it. We have that, along with moru or tomato curry, and beans mehrukkupuratti. Other times, I make fish curry or meen peera. If it’s a really big fish, like a black pomfret, Zac will slather it in spices, wrap it in aluminum foil, and grill it on our tabletop electric grill.

Whenever I clean sardines or cook with them, I remember how I used to get excited whenever Walgreens would have canned sardines on sale. You know the ones I’m talking about – the canned sardines with the peel back lid, loaded with salt. I even thought it was exotic when I noticed they packaged them in hot sauce and mustard, and now I’m making complex Indian dishes out of them. IN INDIA. Awesome, right? I know I think it’s pretty awesome. 🙂

In Praise of Cafe Coffee Day

My favorite – latte with Irish cream flavoring. Soooo yummy and caffeinated.

Zac was happy with his ice cream. 🙂